Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Joy(?) of Giving...

It happened on the day of Christmas.
You see, my vehicle is a dirty little thing. I call it a rickety wuss. It is not a motorcycle. It is a pity. That thing is a very sad sight with me, a six feet tall guy on the road. Ah, well I was parking it on the side of a relatively quiet road in Pune,believe me it was a peaceful road,such a rarity in Pune. At this point I must tell you that since four years my vehicle (ok ok! its a Hero Puch! ..a deranged species of two wheeler no more manufactured in this world!) does not have a handle lock. I carry at its backside an iron chain with a lock to put it around its tyre (pathetic, I know). So generally on such peaceful roads I let go of putting the chain around the tyre. I got down from the vehicle,put it between two handsome,robust,macho motorcycles.As I was just about to put it on the stand, a man started to say something to me from behind.

"What?" I said, my baby still in my hands.

"Oh,sorry,please put it on the stand first.........." He said in marathi.

"Oh boy...there we go again."

Bewildered, I put it on the central stand.I had not locked the iron chain around the tyre. I turned to him.
"Sir, I have to get to "Sangavi" ....I dont have any money .....when bad time dawns upon a man it leaves him stranded like this without money ...without food ...my thekedaar was supposed to come but didnt ....."

It turned out exactly what I had feared. I dont remember much of what he said. What's above is a vague idea that I am giving to you. I got it that he was begging me to give him five rupees. He was about 35, looked a respectable man, sort of. Clothes were okay, clean. He had in his hands a polythene bag which had a plastic tiffin box in it which told me that he would have set out from his home with the food. But his face did not look fine as many of his teeth were broken. As he talked, his tongue moved one of the two teeth on the side. Obviously he consumed tobacco or some such rubbish which ruins your teeth. So he did not much take care of himself.His hair were dishevelled. I was suspicious. But surprisingly he spoke a few things in the middle of his sentences in english.

"Please Sir,... help me..i have to go to sangavi..please give me five rupees..."

"What will five rupees do?"

I knew that Sangavi was a colony on the outers of Pune. He would need more than five rupees to reach sangavi,why was he asking me for five rupees?

"Yes sir, bus ticket to sangavi is twelve rupees....i will mange somehow..."

It was sad to see him plead. My wallet had many coins, a few notes. I gave him a two rupee coin and three one rupee coins. It looks even more ridiculous to give someone money in coins like that. I was still suspicious. I was like, " Okay i will give you the money, but i dont believe you, i still think you are lying.Go! do whateve you want with the money!" The moment the coins landed in his palm he started saying good things for me. "May you be successful in your life....all that you may wish..." ......and all that. .....

I cut him out!

"How are you going to sangavi now?"

"..I'll walk to Chatushringi bus stand..."

I sharply turned away,half listening to his reply, and walked away very fast.

I had this irrational fear that this guy was a thug and he would steal my two wheeler! This fear struck me while i was walking on the road and took a turn. There I looked back to see if he was following me. I did not see him anywere. When I returned I was relieved to see that awful little wuss of a vehicle.
Maybe after I gave him the money he might have started crying and was walking very slowly. How was he going to get the rest of the money? He would have probably begged to someone else, by the time he reached the bus stand. At that I was just anxious to get over and be done with him as soon as possible as I was suspicious. What if he was lying? What if he bought a bottle with that money and lied in a heap of garbage? No one can know. But there are things for which you dont have evidences. I just have a gut feeling now,after two days that he was a good man.Now I feel good that i helped somebody in need, only because i was not harmed.
Last time,on J.M. Road, there came to me a stranded woman with a child in her arms who had to go to some village. I had given her 20 bucks. I know you must be thinking I am a fool. But how the hell do they all find to me?? Gosh, maybe i could have given him 12 bucks.

I did not give with any feeling. And I did not accept his feelings of gratitude and blessings.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Honey,we fu**ed our world.


yeah honey, its all going down.
the case of medical injustice in Libya is shameless.A petition of 100 nobel laureates could not save them from death sentence.There was no epidemiological proof that they were responsible for the outbreak of HIV virus. Now tell me, why would doctors be willing to travel to such countries voluntarily? thus such countries would further their own isolation.


Next thing i read in today's newspapers is that iraq govt is making public the execution of men. 'making public' is horrendous !Iraqi government will provide video footage of the executions to national and international media. Men wearing their uniform of death, their heads covered at the gallows. 'Making public' means anyone cane see it, even your 8 year old, honey. And all will know that how ruthless world has remained, because these are all the atrocities of our world history all over again.
gosh, i am hit again by such mood, last time it was due to a different perversion of mankind.

I am shivering as i recall what i saw online three years ago. First there was an anonymous appeal on an orkut community (yeah, orkut, the same place we use for cheesy indulgences) to sign an online petition to save his/her relative being executed in iran, in public by throwing stones. then the anonymous dude laid a link in that post to where it was shown how its done. And bloody yes i saw the whole thing. hundreds of people gather to watch someone die so cruelly. somewhere in their heart maybe they like this cruelty. Poor thing is covered from head to toe in white cloth and loud prayers from the speaker are said before he is buried into the ground upto his neck. then stoned. i cannot bear to recall anymore.
Its bullshit. 'making public' is akin to spreading this poison that you have in your own head. what conviction of devil do you have in your head when you walk up to a ground to watch someone die as he is getting stoned to death? "Hey,lets go see how that guy is getting stoned to death,its nice to see the blood frow from the head of a guy buried in the ground totally helpless!!"you love to see it dontchya?

life seems fucked up people, there is no compassion left in this world.

PS. would any of those devout followers of Dr. B.R. Ambedkar want to travel in Deccan Queen? ever? I would like to see their faces when they do.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

A good year

A quick post, I watched "A Good year". And I dont care what film critics say,they are "wankers", I feel that its one of the better films of this year. It solved a few problems for me.Ah, well I just dont keep from problems do I? but it changed my perspective. I love life like that. It doesnt mean that one must follow Max skinner and skit off to a life of clamness, but its a question of maturity. I remembered the punchline of the movie all the time I watched the movie("Everything matures,eventually") and in the end learned how max skinner has matured, and the aweful tasting wine of La Siroque is just a metaphor.After the film I felt such an urge of well being,I said to myself,there's nothing more important in life than family, friends, love, the people that care about you the most, let go of the trivial matters!! I called my parents and then my best friend and then talked just about anything for a long time on the phone.











You would say i am crazy but i believe the smile of russell crowe in the poster is about maturity. Its like saying "I understand, I dont mind" sheer satisfaction and immunity to any doubt, self-doubt or otherwise. This movie is magical.
This week has rather been enlightening. The gyan:
1. Words are deceptive purveyors of truth. Dont cling to thiem, try to see through them, that requires maturity. (Dont say that the word which once left your tongue can never be taken back)
2. So let go of the pain caused by the words, people dont mean what they say always, all the more when their blood is boiling. (read maturity)
3. Forgive them. they wont ask for it but you have to somewhere they love you too (read maturity again)
4. Do what you love, very very crucial, its never too late, joy begets joy, and if fate asks you to do something you dont like then take pains to make it likeable, loveable, try to see through the crap and imagine it to be something related to what you love. its all part of the same system (the alchemist)


...and now a great song to groove to! dont mind the fat lady people! she sings heaven! and the tabla is heavenly fluid,(God, a millionth time, WHY DID I STOP LEARNING TABLA!! *sobs*)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

My return to Sweety...

"Our USP is Sweety."
" Sweety is disappointing us for past one month....."
So said my friends in Pune.
Just as you might be wondering,I said..."who's sweety? ...is she cute?" They started laughing. "We call our dabbewali aunty,Sweety!" The first flat in pune where i lived was awful but dabbewalya kaku (tiffinbox aunty) used to bring us food in tiffinboxes which was quite fine. She used to give us salad alongwith chapatis and plain rice and dal which she made at her one room, kitchen flat across the road in front of our flat. Sometimes the curries were bland sometimes spicy, sometimes she served egg curry for the ones which asked for that, sabudana khichdi for the ones which had fast on saturdays, thursday nights had specials where we got hommade sweets such as gulabjamuns along with pulav.
Then our landlord asked us to vacate, we were more than happy,I mean what with the broken tiles on the floor and the beer bottles heaped in the attic and all. So we had to leave sweety as well.She was sad,she was serving tiffins to just two flats. Her husband is an autorickshaw driver. He gives her a hundred bucks per week, the rest he keeps for his liquor. She had given tiffins to that flat, all the tenants which came and went away for around 6 years i heard.When she was busy her 12 year old daughter used to drop off the lunchbox on our flat before she reached her school.Sweety is a small plump woman, with round chubby face, tucks the end of her saree tightly around her waist.She used to point finger and wobble her head with concern as she used to tell us which item was in which box. She was now left with tenants of only one flat.She started weeping when we left.
Then I lived at two other places. I heard she got order of 20 people of a company where one my friends worked,he helped her get those 20 customers.Now I got a flat on rent just above hers.They say the quality of her food has now declined, I dont mind.
Mothers are generally left with their children,mind you.From beggers to dabbewali baais,to upperclass people,children are left with their mothers. I have so many examples, I just cant think of them right now. But this is seen at many places,even in movies and tv. Shit, I lose my connection again,I guess this post will end abruptly.
PS: In the past 3 months I had swung my opinion aboutJames Frey's A million little Pieces whenever i leafed through it.Sometimes I think I need to read it(just from the cover,and excerpts).That the worl is not a great place to live in, it is full of cheaters and decievers and its not all worth a damn.I want to see a guy's bleak journey trough pessimism and dealing with suicide.get a taste of the hell.Then my mood improves sometimes,I say "Why are such books written? they arent of any use, people want to become optimistic, there is no use reading such stupid book. Look at great bright people like steve jobs,jack welch etc etc.
Whenever I have held these two opposing opinions, I have called myself stupid.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

There are some songs which you like at the first note that strikes your ear. Just the first sight of this song made me feel like i was here i dunno in last life maybe ..:P ..lol ....but there have hardly any such songs i can tell you that have that ethereal quality. I was small when i first heard this song but even today when it falls on my ears i am spellbound. check it out!

oh man, after seeing this video i feel like getting there, bake in the yellow sun, smell that sand in the air, beautiful, special and simple.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Watch that smile.

I hate you so much that I will not tell it to you. You dont deserve that.I will fucking fake a smile and self destruct.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Teri Deewani!!

24/8/06

We were a scene to watch on the road.
I was seeing hazy intertwined circles if lights in water as it poured down my spectacles. My fingers were slightly chilled with the cold water continuously dripping down. Though my head was a bit protected as i held the plastic moulded chair above my head. I was sitting behind Pawan (my cousin's friend and my current roommate (non-smoker)) who, quite curiously tied around his forehead his hankerchief to avoid water dripping down his face, on his yamaha. Between him and the handle of the bike was a leather briefcase which he was balancing with his stomach or arms every now and then when the omnipresent potholes of the pune roads threw us all up in the air.
Three times the motorcycle slipped. I do not have any plaster on any of my limbs today. Oh I thank you Lord Ganesha so much! (He is the one who draws the most attention right now out of the huge array of the Hindu dieties. The preparations for his worship going on on the scale of a war through out this city.)
People on the road looked at us with expressons on their faces. I didnt care. At the petrol pump we were served much anticipated Punekari comments / taunts / wisecracks which normally border on insult.
Well, i dinn give a damn, it was our last instalment of stuff being transported from older apartment to a new room. Yes! finally I am free! Table, chair, bed and food is all i need right now. Unfortuately there was no chair so i had bring my cousin's. There's this gradual acclamatisation with the Punekari ways and means.
Current Mood : Praying

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Solitary Sunday

Today I decided to lie my way to soltitude. Yes, got ready at 10 am (very early by sunday standards, if you ask me) and lied to my cousin and other roommates that I was going to Piyush's apartment. Off I went to watch "Lady in the water" , my second movie in last seven days. More than watching the movie, being all by myself was so heavy on my mind. I can almost feel my breathing outrightly erratic when I am surrounded in a room by 5 people (just people, okay, if 4 of them are smoking, I am dead). When I am on a road, filled with, no matter a hundred people walking up and down on it, all by myself, my breathing is relaxed. Sometimes there's this compulsive need to let thoughts flow random and wild and be alone...just naturally as they would like a river.
Anyway, so I watched lady in the water. I realised that the common motive of m night shyamalan movies or of his main character is emotional healing or physical salvation. In sixth sense, a small boy provides solace to dead souls, bruce willis is a hero who will help the needy in unbreakable, mel gibson will save his family thanx to his spirituality/beliefs in signs. Pardon me, I still havent watched the village. In each of his films however his style has been markedly different, the means to the salvage in the climax have also been different. It was communication with the dead in 6th sense and extra terrestrials in signs while unbreakable was more general in context of superpower and also it was different in the sense that it brought out the fact to the viewer that samuel l jackson and bruce willis stand at the two opposites. It is easy to confuse yourself and say that sixth sense was just a horror movie and signs was yet another movie on ET. The endings of all his films fill me up with immense warmth. The portrayal of the act of healing is very nice. It should fill the audience's heart with hope and peace. The scene in sixth sense when haley joel osment sits in a trolley and his mother pushes it and they both run on the road is one of my favourites. He opens his arms and breaths relief, with a wide smile on his face;its relaxing and invigorating.
Lady in the water is different again because the means to the salvage are different, its a bed time story this time but what sets it different still is that the savior (the Narf named Story) has to be protected. So its interesting when the savior is not superman, very human and touching. In all his films the heroes, haley joel osment,bruce willis,dallas howard, mel gibson, have their own dilemmas, problems, weaknesses, sufferings,they are not perfect, they too need to be helped (physically in the case of the latest one). Pace of this movie is faster than his previous ones. I hoped for better cinematography though. The film needed more meticulous work on the screen play. M night shyamalan is a good actor as well; Paul giamatti was amazing with the stuttering. But I do feel the movie could have been made a lot better. I know I am probably gonna end up watching it a couple of times more.

PS: I have finally realised that I cannot say a lie with confidence. gotta practice to be shamelessly forthright.No doubt written form of communication suits me better.

Current Mood: Pro active
Current Music: "Where's the party tonight?" - Kabhi Alvida na kehna ( I am just gonna listen to its songs ...i swear!)
"My Hump" - Black Eyed Peas

Friday, July 28, 2006

I have been tagged!

lol! ...
1. Do the following WITHOUT complains
2. Choose 5 person to do this after you completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY LOONS!

Currents

Current Mood: Anxious,annoyed,restless.
Current Taste: chocolate
Current Clothes: casuals
Current Desktop: Chandler Bing,of course....though i havent seen my own desktop for a long time.
Current Toenail Colour: none! duh!
Curent Time: 12:44 pm
Current Surroundings: A net cafe. Empty comp carrels,its just me and its raining cats and dogs outside.
Current Annoyances: My roomies! :S
Current Thoughts: How soon will I get a new apartment?

First
First Best Friend: Chaitanya (UKG)
First Crush: In 4th or 5th std ....I cannot name her or i'd be dead
First Movie: Kayamat se kayamat tak, perhaps.
First Lie: I dunn remember but i did lie for the first time when i might have been 11 or so.
First Music: Malgudi Days song playing on Doordarshan "tana na tana nana naaaa!"

Lasts
Last Cigarette: I don’t smoke
Last Drink: I dont drink either, but whatever i drank last time except water was pepsi.
Last Car Ride: To the railway station.
Last Crush: A girl I saw in Crossword yesterday.
Last Movie: Watched POTC Dead Man's chest y'day.
Last Phone Call: mom.
Last CD played: Assorted songs.
Last song played: "Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho" from Arth.

Have you ever...
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: No
Have you ever broken the law: yup, cyber laws for porn in college.
Have you ever been arrested: Nope.
Have you ever skinny-dipped: eew! no..
Have you ever been on TV: no…
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: No

5 things you are wearing: Blue jeans, orange cotton T shirt,two rings on my fingers,spex.
4 things you done today: Read newspaper,called one "TIME" coaching classes for mock CATs, ghoted reciprocal percentages and other cat stuff,watched TV.
3 things you can hear right now: the rain, a dork speaking loudly otside, little children playing.
1 thing you do when you're bored: Search for a book to read.

I TAG AKS,GAURAV,RICKY,JUBA AND TEESU.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

You Should Be A Cancer

What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous

What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand

In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection

In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support

Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure

Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood

You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese
You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.
Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.
And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Nikhilesh is choking....

I am choking! ...suffocating!! ....SUFFOCATING!!!!
ARGH! ARGH! AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
*cough* *cough* *cough* .....*puke* *puke*
I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I hate smoking I HATE SMOKING!!!!!!!
even incense sticks now evoke horror in me ......i cannot breath this shit anymore... fuck all the smokers in the world!!! ...aaaarrrrrrggghhh!!!!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Pu La

Yesterday I properly listened to him. The last time was when I was in 8th or 9th standard. Back then i wasnt allowed to see anything other than the regional marathi doordarshan channel, during dinner. He was standing on a podium, speaking with such poise and eloquence. Mr.Purushottam Laxman Deshpande was an amazing orator, comedian and writer. At that time I was very lazy to wake up to marathi language. His presence on screen was very charming but i hardly understood eighty percent of what he was saying. And now I am in Pune, surrounded completely by marathi people, talking marathing all the time during my day, and i am loving it to be finally where I belong.
But listening to pu la yesterday was an amazing experience. He talked about Nagpurkars, Punekars and Mumbaikars, and then I realised I might not be exactly where I belong! .. lol because I actually belong to Nagpur and in that half an hour speech PLD talked what it means to live in these three different places in maharashtra, marathi people can be yet so different in lifestyles, the traits of people in these three marathi cities are markedly different and his description makes for a riot of laughter. I was amazed ...I am practially getting real life experience of the punekari life here, day in and day out and hearing it from his mouth was even more enthralling. The way he has put the day to day marathi life under microscope is amazing, he does meticulous study in the seemingly ordinary cores that make marathi urban lifestyle and speaks with such eloquence, in a way to make it seem easy. His literature seems so rich, beautiful, i feel tempted to compare him to P. G. Wodehouse, but then I havent even read anything close to half of things by PGW ....and have just listened tp Pu La twice or thrice.
Ok, ok! i admit! in some corner of my heart i do feel proud ...lol.. i mean its very unlike a 22year old and uncool to believe in such things...but its really amazing to LISTEN to him! and know that he too is a Deshpande.
Know more-the wiki article
official site

Friday, June 09, 2006

Ananya

In the last week of January, at the physiotherapist's, I met Ananya for the first time. First I heard her voice, small and sweet little girl I reckoned, but she was asking questions and there was this air about her that hinted maturity.

I heard the caring voice of the physio as she said with a little mischief, but no departure from love,


"Anu!...humein jaldi jaldi exercise karni hain ....February end tak humein chalna hai na? .....kitne dinon se hai tu yahan par!.....mujhe pareshan kar diya hain!"

"We have to exercise and get well and start walking by the end of Feb,you have troubled me for so long!"


And then I knew she couldn’t walk. It didn’t strike me as anything sad right then but I was little curious. And then I saw her as she tried walking, her both hands held by the physio and she took small steps. She was 7 years old I think, round chubby face and had her hair tied in a little ponytail, and had big black eyes. I was looking at her and she was trying to walk. She was looking down at her legs (they had no sign of any deformity, btw) and then she looked at me observing her. And she smiled and blushed and turned down her face again. As in the case of a little child who is rehearsing her first play on any stage, for the first time when she says her dialogues and sees people listen to her voice, she feels a little sense of joy and giggles in her heart. The same feeling i saw in her eyes.

And then seconds later, the fact that she was completely oblivious of her incapability struck me like a heart attack. She is not sad right now. And thank God for the fact that she is so small that she doesnt mourn her incapability. Sits in her own little world uncaring of other children who run and play. Maybe at some level she is sad that she cannot walk, but not as much as a grown up is when he can't walk.

And like a Marathi poet had once said, I am reminded to pray to God to give me back that childhood, when i cared so much less.

I thought, later in her life she will understand things and realise what she had been through. Will enter a new life when she starts walking ......and everything will be alright. But as a grown up maybe she will repent about that time when she couldn't walk and run while others very well could. And also feel very good about herself, that she could come back from some bad place and achieved something greater than others which cannot be quantified, and is her very own power for life.

A month ago I had to go there again. She was still there. I heard her crying a few cots away.......and I had no answers.


I see a great gulf. Some people suffer and suffer and suffer. Others balk in amazing physical well being. Of course they worked hard to stay fit and exercised daily. But what about those who were "born with it" ?

For how long Ananya will not be able to walk, no one can say.

I read somewhere that every man is an end in himself and that his goal in life should not be tangible gains, exactly, but to get to that point where he has poured his best effort and spirit in his life's work.

And then I think everyone has been allotted a certain quota of pain and suffering, of health and all the rest of the things. That pot will be filled in the due course of your life, sooner or later; in installments or in continuity? Nobody knows! But it blesses you with a unique point of view and value of simple things of life. It is your obligation, so long as you live on this earth to face, perform , and achieve despite of everything and whatever that lies for you in your own path.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Its not worth believing...





I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type
at kelly.moranweb.com.



You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

* * *

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The last day.

I was hardly done with my packing. I had just written the diary of Arpit and was still unsure if I had done justice with it. I was sitting on a bed on which thousand things were spread. I had gone to the mess before in the evening and had dinner. Jassi, Piyush, Joe, Dallu had gone to C'not to eat but I couldnt because I had this huge packing to undertake. And I was losing my nerve. Suddenly I realised that I didnt have any locks for the trunk. I called Jassi and asked him to get locks for me from C'not. Then I continued with packing at which, honestly, I suck. At 10 45 or so the guys came to my room and were shocked to see the situation. Then Jassi scolded me for the locks as well. Then those guys helped with the packing. I seriously think without them I dont know what I would have done. Piyush taught me about the punglis of papers which he had thrown out of my trunk along with copies and registers. Then we had an awful time with the computer cabinet and monitor. It started freezing in the night. Then we were done by 12 and called the courier service truck and they took all my luggege. By 12 30 I was done with the courier service payment etc. Then I had to get a seat for myself in the next morning's student's union bus. So I went to talk to the guy.
Then I went to 256 Vishwakarma Bhawan for the night out.Jassi, me, Piyush, Joe were up all night talking.We came to know that Madu (Abhishek Agrawal, who was on the same bus as I was) has a fever. He wasnt done with his packing had was having a sound sleep.We talked and talked and talked. All the stuff that we usually do I guess. That night seems to me so dark, as if the darkest night I ever seen. I tried to be as normal as possible. At 5 30 or so in the morning we slept. Were woken up by Madu at 7 who by then was feeling better and had done all his packing. I had my breakfast in the mess. Went to my room took a bucket full of plastic bathroom accessories to give it away to my trusted rediwala - Munnaji. Then I took my suitcase and stuff and left the room unlocked. A sweeper appeared out of nowhere and started cleaning that room whch used to be mine and started looking for some stuff i might have leftwhich he could find useful. I left the room and headed towards the exit of the hostel On my way I met Rahul Hedau and he smilingly hugged me and and we bid adieu. Two guyswho were my so called wingies smiled at me. I didnt knw them personally but being in the same wing we somehow were linked I guess. They said goodbyes to me.
I remember that chill in the air. The sunshine at 7 45...pale and silvery yellow, and the neem leaves had such electricity in them like they always had.
I headed for the bus and tried not to think too much.
I wished I could go with all the guys. But I had to leave early.While all left the next day. On 12 th of Dec 2005, I left Pilani. Of all the people I never thought I would travel out of this place with Madu (gived the bitter things of the past).
All the people reached there - Ricky, Jassi, Joe, Piyush, Anurag, to say goodbyes. Jassi had written my diary just while walking upto the bus from the hostel. Madu was talking with Nazneen. We waited till the bus left, and till then people advised me to be careful while travelling in a bus and not to poke my hand out of the window during the journey. And then it was time.I tried not to look outside from the windows.

Monday, May 08, 2006

The thoughts in my head seem colourful and amazingly bright. However the moment I speak them I myself feel they lose their potential, - sound silly or wierd or naive. Something is lost in translation. I feel, for me the space in my head is completely sacrosanct. I just cannot do justice to the thoughts by lending them words.
Its the worst when people don't care to listen.

RDB fever is still on. I don't want it to end. I recently realised the amazing power of these songs-
Luka chupi
Tu bin bataye
Ik onkar
Khoon chala

Thursday, May 04, 2006

"Oye Bhain de Takke!!"


"Ek pair past mein to doosra future mein daal ke baithe hain, islye to aaj par moot rahe hain"- DJ (Aamir Khan)
"Tumhare maa ki aankh"- Sue (Alice Patton)
the dialogues which touched the hearts of millions ..ok not all the millions but those like me who would rather like to talk like that.
I saw RDB!!
better late than never really..I mean there are bad days and there are good days but I didnt know they came absolutely one after the other ...this movie totally perked me up(from the sad mood of which previous post bears the testimony)- and made my hair stand on an end- a mini post mortem of the movie - wont write much but lotsa fotos!

People who rocked-
Aamir khan - DJ- obb..
- Sidhdarth - THE Dude!!
- Sue - Alice Patton- cute hindi talking brit
- Prasoon Joshi - the dialogues and the lyrics rock!! ....I am his fan I mean he is an MBA working for coke and writes amazing lyrics and hindi literature - thats the stuff.
- The misc- ARR - the diro - ROM- The story writer - Kamlesh pandey - two thums up to all of them ..and most brilliant- photography- binod pradhan - four thumbs up to him
sequences i loved -
- the salute to amar jawan and India Gate with the rap on Paathshala
- the falling down choreography on Khalbali
- the dhaba
- the climax

RDB trivia (by Nike the nagpuri deshpande)
which book was DJ (Aamir khan) reading/ had in his hand in the song tu bin bataye, just before he wraps his jacket around sue?
Answer - Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts







Tuesday, May 02, 2006

If I could say it...

Yesterday we had to go to the railway station to book our tickets out of this place to our homes. And in the hot and bright sun at six and quarter in the evening we took a bus to the railway station. The heat is getting unbearable here day after day and I have started getting headaches due to the leathal mixture of heat and the foul smells from this rayon plant which strikes me always when I have to enter or leave the plant. Anyway, so we were on this small bus ride of seven minutes and we observed that a small child, six or seven years old was sitting in the other row of the seats in the bus to the left of us. He was wearing striped stony black and white shirt and pants made out of same cloth.He was contantly looking outside with enthusiasm and such curiosity from the window of the bus. A minute after the bus had left the grasim staff colony,in a moment of my utter wonder and amazement,he turned to us with a huge smile on his face,he started talking loudly in a peculiar madhya pradesh accent/dialect about which I am not sure. I couldn't understand what he was exactly telling us but he was so full of expression on his face and loud with his voice that we couldnt help but laugh.Monu and I made funny faces and made him laugh.The woman on the seat in front of him turned around with a smile and then we knew that she was his mother. She was wearing dark yellow saree and long dangling gold earrings. In the next moment I realised that he was telling us perhaps about what he was seeing from the windows outside. Then he stopped talking, sat still and shot a calm look outside through the window. Then after another minute had one more fit of sorts and animatedly talked again and this time I heard "Train gadi jayenge!" and I realised he was far too much excited about his train journey.After having a good laugh, something sunk in and I felt the convulsions in my brain harden, and I couldnt breathe,my mouth was open and the breath caught halfway in it.I wished I could say things from my heart without that hesitation. I left those days behind of uninhibited flair...when I treated even strangers as friends. This faithlessness, suspicion, confusion,doubt and evil has filled my head.It stops me from opening my mouth in front of all, close ones and strangers alike.
Then we reached the station stepped out of the bus and he left with his mother, talking so loudly about the train that we could hear from a distance.
I am in a cocoon I can never get out of.I want to go back.......I dont want all this.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

A Monday morning session

What the PS mates(Nike,Monu and Teesu) did on a Monday morning, instead of going to the plant and working....









Its thewindow just above my bed, and we opened it to let the fresh air in and found on the edge this dead, dried but uncrumpled little thing, lying on the carpet of powdery soot.

Current Music: One of the best songs i have ever heard in my whole life. Its magical, heavenly, hypnotic....ohh so many more things! Its Teri Deewani by Kailash Kher ...actually by Kailasa, the band formed by the three guys Kailsh, Paresh, Naresh. The most important thing is that the video so matches the beauty of this song.The backing vocals of Paresh and Naresh are good ..and in Kailash's voice you can catch the taste of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan time and again during the whole song.Piano, flute, percussion, guitars and of course the voice are a sublime combination.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

enter the psycho

..wish i really knew ....I AM I AM I AM!!! ...TERI,Delhi.."it will take 10 days for the mail to reach ok?" ...the 8 page long letter made the child happy ....and someday stopped writing ...i lost you .......he cannot give up and neither can we .....and we cried on the phone ..."make enemies of friends and search for the ounce of friendship" and .........why do you do this ?? its the end of time and crap thats all that has remained .......thats the way you run from piller to pole ....the cd ....why? ...call centers ...Discovery Travel and living ..."among evil strangers"...sigh! .....but thats the price you pay ...and you go on and on ....why do u write this?? .....the macabre void ...the humm of the machines ....the roomies ....i am sorry ...does that suffice?? DOES SORRY SUFFICE?? ...but thats what you do ...but i am sorry .......it ends tonight .....tamaso ma jyotirgamaya...carl brashear ......john nash ....akiva goldsman ...naval chief sundae ....i dinn check the mail .......blog ...will call you ... flatliners .....that space in my eyes i see ...between nowhere and goodbye .....joel schumacher ....fire on the amazon...the pitiless venom dragged it back ......you were different back then you cannot expect that from them ...they did their best ....Maggie,...i got nobody but you frankie....the cousins...be proud...the big brother...one year.....time between the breaths the little pump cudnt help so she helped herself ....bit her tongue ...nearly bled to death....felt no ure to move....danger, there's no such thing as a stupid question ....anyone can lose one fight........ the little angel .....fought her way out of this world ....that was her destiny .....hatwalne.....exams are over..books are coming by parcel..thats the way you come and i am sure thaers no different way to leave .......you trick everyone like this......but that way you are still the same.....the three ...they were ordinary people ...Mr Krishnarao S/o Gunawantrao.....marathi crosswords in Tarun Bharat.....sanskrit...sit sit sit!!!........d/o SSR ....... coimbatore ....Patvardhan High School ....nagpur ........ i am sorry i said so about it .........blink.. nikhilesh vishwas deshpande ......can i get a cup of coffe? no sorry...

Thursday, April 06, 2006

New!

Ricky and saikat join my friends list this week ....just glad that the gang members are waking upto blogspot ...and Sandheer has also started it seems but i wont link him until i get to know that he's gonna blog regularly and not just leave the blog with just one snap of his (sandheer rulz hfjsgf!!... get out!!) ....
sigh! i wish i was with my friends on their trip to goa aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhh!!!! damn damn damn!!!...i hate myself!!! ohhh i so so soooooo wish i was there.
Anyway, gotta get back to quant.

current music: Bhagere Man -Chameli , sunidhi chauhan's voice is heavan man, cant believe it ...amazing ...does listening to this song make me a bit girly? i think so, so i switch to Ya ali- Gangster, damn cool song.
Current passion: My story, i love love love writing it! ..and i seem to be thinking about it maniacally and the sentences play in my head like an AR Rehman song..ahh heavenly bliss.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Current Mood: Pissed ......still.

But for less trivial reasons this time around.
Why is my blood boiling?

1: Justin Berry:It all started on the holiday - HOLI day and i had nothing to do ...i could have slept but no i had to turn on the tv and watch Oprah interview a dude named Justin Berry which kicked off in my mind a sick whirlwind of sorts.Read about him, if you must, here

2: Shobha : Next day I got ample of internet time coz 3 outta 6 of us guys had gone home so noone was on the comp.And i reached Shobha's blog from Pooja's and read her(and others' even worse)story.I have linked her on both my blogs.These stories (Justin's and shobha's) make me sad as much as they enrage me.
Read the particular article here

3:Manadel al Jamadi- And today i read( a bit too late) about al jamadi and this isnt the snap i saw in the TIME (old issue,the GRASIM club library had loads of em heaped like junk) mag,in tht snap it was just his son and his eyes were shut with grief,which had a sickening effect on me.
He shall live a life of a loser,rot in the deserts of uncertainty and weakness and impotence.You lost your father to a bunch of whackos,kid....macho hunks and men and women of such courage ...they had so much fun with is body,froze it like candy and had a gala time with his corpse on the camera.You are destined to rot in this hell kid,you have no future.
the wiki article




4:one other thing i cant name but hell lot worse than these,and unfortnately on the same lines......sigh..

One other line i read in TIME review of the book Two Lives.This is one of the concluding lines of the book...

Behind every door, on every ordinary street, in every hut in every ordinary village on this middling planet of a trivial star such riches are to be found.
-Vikram Seth

Sir,i opened a door of a house in a shady street in an Indian small town which was not very different from the small suburbs of the big cities and know what i found? teachers,lawyers doctors fathers engineers ...seemingly ordianry people which a genial smile on their faces ..interacting with children girls and boys and other people in general with a caring pretence.They had demons in their heads.The alley that leads to such houses is very dark Mr Seth.Apparently very VERY normal people turned out to be psychopaths and paedophiles.And this world is turning out to be much more murkier place and i see no light in this hellhole.A total catastrophe.

And some trivial things which make me awfully irritable these days

1 Asha Bhosle - What the fuck is wrong with her? Go grandma stay in your house and enjoy the respect you have gained over the decades with hard work.Dont go on losing it on MTV dancing on 1 2 cha cha cha.... i think some people no matter how old,or of what status need to be taught some lessons ....some like her dont know when to stop and accept the fact that your time in the limelight is over.Havent you heard of dignified exit ..as in tennis?
2 Himesh Reshammia - the black capped dog goes ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo huzoooooooooooooooooooooooor on every channel.
3 A new smokey smokerson around me...
4 My awful new haircut.
5 The fact that people around me fuss about food ..i mean just the second the food arrives on the table Monu goes "Ye bhi koi khana hai!" tht fucker! i could have just slapped him then and there coz he totally ruined my appetite...ugh!!

And NO! I havent yet seen Rang De Basanti so i wont say "I'm a Rebel!!" and am yet to "Lose Control" ..coz of the fact that i am stuck in yet another creepy tiny town without a decent cinema theatre or a cd rental....just gotta wait for Aug i guess till i am off to Mumbai!! ..hmm..ok..

Current Music : Pure Indipop to cool off my head- Dil Samandar....dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba.......................(infinite loop)
from Garam Masala

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Oh so funny...

I guess i'll try to shrug off all the anger ..


"Sometimes only the subversiveness of comedy can do justice to the extremes of horror"

-Amy Tan
"The secret source of humour itself is not joy,but sorrow.There is no humour in heaven"
-Mark Twain

Current Music:Maut-Lucky Ali

Current Mood: Pissed !

Fuck Grasim Fuck Birla and fuck all the firewalls and dimwitted internet admins all over the goddamn world...
the tagboards on both my blogs have been blocked ..son of a bitch...
now i am gonna hve to enable comments on the other one and ask you people to type "hdffgd" or something worse to comment.
fuck it i can see the tagboard on Luna's blog but on mine i see "IWSS Security Event (Proxy-55)...." ..wtf is going on?? AAAAAAAAARRRGHH!! ..I could kill Aditya fuckin birla rt now ..but guess what ....he's already dead.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Ye pet nahin koonwan hai

Either that or the mess food sucks big time OR God save my appetite...

It was just another evening in Nagda ..i had my dinner with two of my PS mates ....had 4 rotis I guess with chole ...ya man its first time I am eating chole with rotis ..anyway ...so we had our dinner and I had gone to my room...was just doing my stuff ...till 9 in the night until Monu barges into my room ...wearing a white Hutch T shirt (which he got for free from the Hutch stall during oasis .in some basky kinda game ..poor hutch guys dinn know he was the basky team captain :P)and shorts, completely drenched in sweat and badminton racquet in his hand..

" ...played like mad today man ..cant eat here now! ..food left over here must taste awful at this late hour ...you have to accompany me to the dhaba ...right now..come on ..lets go!"

"NO way dude I ve already had my dinner.."

"not asking you to eat ..just give me company over there."

"I cant just look at you and truckwalas while you eat PBM and those delicious rotis! "

"then you too can eat if you want"

"No man I don't think I can eat again"

"O plz plz plz!."

"O no no no!!."

"o come on man you know the food is great out there....lets go.."

"its 9 rt now ...by the time we reach there it l be 9 35 or so .and by the time we will have food in front of us it ll be 10 10-15 ...my stomach will be fucked be ...and then we ll probably be back by 11 or so and..."

"ARE YOU COMING OR NOT???"

"...well okay ..there isn't anything worthwhile in my life to do I guess ill go there ...wtf.."

and so we went on feet down the dark and dreary and dusty awful road to a dhaba ....and by the time we reached the tin tappar dhaba .my stomach probably made some space by itself for PBM I guess or what heavenly force made us order 2 plates PBM (Oh ya thts Paneer Butter Masala) ....to my utter surprise i ordered one more plate of PBM which we shared among us I ended up eating 10 delicious butter rotis more (a yumyum yum)......amazingly so.

And guess what ..the next day we got stipend so we were just too glad tht we had money so we again ended up on the same dhaba.

but out here ...there arent many good places to eat ....maybe later on ill do a ps1 vs ps2 analysis...foodwise.

Current Music: Lucky Ali-Sifar..!! that smmooooth heavenly voice is back in my head God bless Lucky Ali ...i have listened to and revered every single song that he has sung ..i seriously think his songs are waaay beyond the appreciation of the indian audiences ...i dunno why but somehow i do.I wish I had songs of his other albums mostly Aks (the album i mean) which had more romantic ones...someone plz go tell hi to make more songs!!! ..like these ...though i have to admit the lyrics seem OHT more than often...

Musafir ko mile raasta
Zamane ko mile waasta..

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Current Music

Ode to my family:Cranberries
One last breath:Creed
A New day has come:Celine Dion
Heal the World:Michael Jackson

I wrote a little something here

Current Goddess: Lisa Kudrow - Phoebe Buffay - Regina Felangy.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Whats on my mind....

Interpreter of maladies

Jhumpa Lahiri


Last Saturday went to Bhopal,cought a passenger huffing and puffing to Ujjain at 3 pm with Rushali .. we were hit by such a huge crowd that i didnt even know where she disappeared in it and then I dinn get any place to sit and was standing for 1.5 hours in the horrible journey then took bus to Devas from ujjain coz i dinn get any direct bus to bhopal from ujjain either and then again a bus from devas to bhopal,reached home at 10 in the night.Left for nagda at 6 in the evening on sunday and then started the ultimate torture of my life as i travelled in the general compartment.Its description is impossible.My mom gave me the dinner but it was a horrible situation and i just cudnt eat.Reached Nagda at 1 in the morning.Had to call the company bus at 1 15 and then waited for it in the chilling night for half an hour.It was a bit uncomfortable experience,...
but I am sorry Dad,should ve listened to you that the general compartment is not made for me...or the other way round.I swear i ll always book ticked in advance.

Current Music: Rang De Basanti (ARR Roooooolz!!)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

***Your Birthdate: May 28***


You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.
You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems.
Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego.
You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance.

Your strength: Your bold approach to life

Your weakness: You don't accept help

Your power color: Bronze

Your power symbol: Pyramid

Your power month: October
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok this has finally happened FINALLY!
I started exercise! u say no big deal but I am just too glad that it happened.Maybe someday I ll tell about my list of ailments and "series of unfortunate events"..but for now
I refuse to be the unfortunate bearer of bulbous tummy and saggy man-breasts!

Current Music: Jal! ..Jal rocks! Jal roolz!
Recent Books I read :) Interpreter of Maladies- Jhumpa Lahiri ( Reading her makes me wanna write.)
Angels and Demons- u know who
Current Goddess: Meg Ryan