Its not worth believing...

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.



You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

* * *

The last day.

I was hardly done with my packing. I had just written the diary of Arpit and was still unsure if I had done justice with it. I was sitting on a bed on which thousand things were spread. I had gone to the mess before in the evening and had dinner. Jassi, Piyush, Joe, Dallu had gone to C'not to eat but I couldnt because I had this huge packing to undertake. And I was losing my nerve. Suddenly I realised that I didnt have any locks for the trunk. I called Jassi and asked him to get locks for me from C'not. Then I continued with packing at which, honestly, I suck. At 10 45 or so the guys came to my room and were shocked to see the situation. Then Jassi scolded me for the locks as well. Then those guys helped with the packing. I seriously think without them I dont know what I would have done. Piyush taught me about the punglis of papers which he had thrown out of my trunk along with copies and registers. Then we had an awful time with the computer cabinet and monitor. It started freezing in the night. Then we were done by 12 and called the courier service truck and they took all my luggege. By 12 30 I was done with the courier service payment etc. Then I had to get a seat for myself in the next morning's student's union bus. So I went to talk to the guy.
Then I went to 256 Vishwakarma Bhawan for the night out.Jassi, me, Piyush, Joe were up all night talking.We came to know that Madu (Abhishek Agrawal, who was on the same bus as I was) has a fever. He wasnt done with his packing had was having a sound sleep.We talked and talked and talked. All the stuff that we usually do I guess. That night seems to me so dark, as if the darkest night I ever seen. I tried to be as normal as possible. At 5 30 or so in the morning we slept. Were woken up by Madu at 7 who by then was feeling better and had done all his packing. I had my breakfast in the mess. Went to my room took a bucket full of plastic bathroom accessories to give it away to my trusted rediwala - Munnaji. Then I took my suitcase and stuff and left the room unlocked. A sweeper appeared out of nowhere and started cleaning that room whch used to be mine and started looking for some stuff i might have leftwhich he could find useful. I left the room and headed towards the exit of the hostel On my way I met Rahul Hedau and he smilingly hugged me and and we bid adieu. Two guyswho were my so called wingies smiled at me. I didnt knw them personally but being in the same wing we somehow were linked I guess. They said goodbyes to me.
I remember that chill in the air. The sunshine at 7 45...pale and silvery yellow, and the neem leaves had such electricity in them like they always had.
I headed for the bus and tried not to think too much.
I wished I could go with all the guys. But I had to leave early.While all left the next day. On 12 th of Dec 2005, I left Pilani. Of all the people I never thought I would travel out of this place with Madu (gived the bitter things of the past).
All the people reached there - Ricky, Jassi, Joe, Piyush, Anurag, to say goodbyes. Jassi had written my diary just while walking upto the bus from the hostel. Madu was talking with Nazneen. We waited till the bus left, and till then people advised me to be careful while travelling in a bus and not to poke my hand out of the window during the journey. And then it was time.I tried not to look outside from the windows.

The thoughts in my head seem colourful and amazingly bright. However the moment I speak them I myself feel they lose their potential, - sound silly or wierd or naive. Something is lost in translation. I feel, for me the space in my head is completely sacrosanct. I just cannot do justice to the thoughts by lending them words.
Its the worst when people don't care to listen.

RDB fever is still on. I don't want it to end. I recently realised the amazing power of these songs-
Luka chupi
Tu bin bataye
Ik onkar
Khoon chala

"Oye Bhain de Takke!!"

"Ek pair past mein to doosra future mein daal ke baithe hain, islye to aaj par moot rahe hain"- DJ (Aamir Khan)
"Tumhare maa ki aankh"- Sue (Alice Patton)
the dialogues which touched the hearts of millions ..ok not all the millions but those like me who would rather like to talk like that.
I saw RDB!!
better late than never really..I mean there are bad days and there are good days but I didnt know they came absolutely one after the other ...this movie totally perked me up(from the sad mood of which previous post bears the testimony)- and made my hair stand on an end- a mini post mortem of the movie - wont write much but lotsa fotos!

People who rocked-
Aamir khan - DJ- obb..
- Sidhdarth - THE Dude!!
- Sue - Alice Patton- cute hindi talking brit
- Prasoon Joshi - the dialogues and the lyrics rock!! ....I am his fan I mean he is an MBA working for coke and writes amazing lyrics and hindi literature - thats the stuff.
- The misc- ARR - the diro - ROM- The story writer - Kamlesh pandey - two thums up to all of them ..and most brilliant- photography- binod pradhan - four thumbs up to him
sequences i loved -
- the salute to amar jawan and India Gate with the rap on Paathshala
- the falling down choreography on Khalbali
- the dhaba
- the climax

RDB trivia (by Nike the nagpuri deshpande)
which book was DJ (Aamir khan) reading/ had in his hand in the song tu bin bataye, just before he wraps his jacket around sue?
Answer - Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts

If I could say it...

Yesterday we had to go to the railway station to book our tickets out of this place to our homes. And in the hot and bright sun at six and quarter in the evening we took a bus to the railway station. The heat is getting unbearable here day after day and I have started getting headaches due to the leathal mixture of heat and the foul smells from this rayon plant which strikes me always when I have to enter or leave the plant. Anyway, so we were on this small bus ride of seven minutes and we observed that a small child, six or seven years old was sitting in the other row of the seats in the bus to the left of us. He was wearing striped stony black and white shirt and pants made out of same cloth.He was contantly looking outside with enthusiasm and such curiosity from the window of the bus. A minute after the bus had left the grasim staff colony,in a moment of my utter wonder and amazement,he turned to us with a huge smile on his face,he started talking loudly in a peculiar madhya pradesh accent/dialect about which I am not sure. I couldn't understand what he was exactly telling us but he was so full of expression on his face and loud with his voice that we couldnt help but laugh.Monu and I made funny faces and made him laugh.The woman on the seat in front of him turned around with a smile and then we knew that she was his mother. She was wearing dark yellow saree and long dangling gold earrings. In the next moment I realised that he was telling us perhaps about what he was seeing from the windows outside. Then he stopped talking, sat still and shot a calm look outside through the window. Then after another minute had one more fit of sorts and animatedly talked again and this time I heard "Train gadi jayenge!" and I realised he was far too much excited about his train journey.After having a good laugh, something sunk in and I felt the convulsions in my brain harden, and I couldnt breathe,my mouth was open and the breath caught halfway in it.I wished I could say things from my heart without that hesitation. I left those days behind of uninhibited flair...when I treated even strangers as friends. This faithlessness, suspicion, confusion,doubt and evil has filled my head.It stops me from opening my mouth in front of all, close ones and strangers alike.
Then we reached the station stepped out of the bus and he left with his mother, talking so loudly about the train that we could hear from a distance.
I am in a cocoon I can never get out of.I want to go back.......I dont want all this.

A Monday morning session

What the PS mates(Nike,Monu and Teesu) did on a Monday morning, instead of going to the plant and working....









Its thewindow just above my bed, and we opened it to let the fresh air in and found on the edge this dead, dried but uncrumpled little thing, lying on the carpet of powdery soot.

Current Music: One of the best songs i have ever heard in my whole life. Its magical, heavenly, hypnotic....ohh so many more things! Its Teri Deewani by Kailash Kher ...actually by Kailasa, the band formed by the three guys Kailsh, Paresh, Naresh. The most important thing is that the video so matches the beauty of this song.The backing vocals of Paresh and Naresh are good ..and in Kailash's voice you can catch the taste of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan time and again during the whole song.Piano, flute, percussion, guitars and of course the voice are a sublime combination.

enter the psycho

..wish i really knew ....I AM I AM I AM!!! ...TERI,Delhi.."it will take 10 days for the mail to reach ok?" ...the 8 page long letter made the child happy ....and someday stopped writing ...i lost you .......he cannot give up and neither can we .....and we cried on the phone ..."make enemies of friends and search for the ounce of friendship" and .........why do you do this ?? its the end of time and crap thats all that has remained .......thats the way you run from piller to pole ....the cd ....why? ...call centers ...Discovery Travel and living ..."among evil strangers"...sigh! .....but thats the price you pay ...and you go on and on ....why do u write this?? .....the macabre void ...the humm of the machines ....the roomies ....i am sorry ...does that suffice?? DOES SORRY SUFFICE?? ...but thats what you do ...but i am sorry .......it ends tonight .....tamaso ma jyotirgamaya...carl brashear ......john nash ....akiva goldsman ...naval chief sundae ....i dinn check the mail .......blog ...will call you ... flatliners .....that space in my eyes i see ...between nowhere and goodbye .....joel schumacher ....fire on the amazon...the pitiless venom dragged it back ......you were different back then you cannot expect that from them ...they did their best ....Maggie,...i got nobody but you frankie....the cousins...be proud...the big brother...one year.....time between the breaths the little pump cudnt help so she helped herself ....bit her tongue ...nearly bled to death....felt no ure to move....danger, there's no such thing as a stupid question ....anyone can lose one fight........ the little angel .....fought her way out of this world ....that was her destiny .....hatwalne.....exams are over..books are coming by parcel..thats the way you come and i am sure thaers no different way to leave .......you trick everyone like this......but that way you are still the same.....the three ...they were ordinary people ...Mr Krishnarao S/o Gunawantrao.....marathi crosswords in Tarun Bharat.....sanskrit...sit sit sit!!!........d/o SSR ....... coimbatore ....Patvardhan High School ....nagpur ........ i am sorry i said so about it .........blink.. nikhilesh vishwas deshpande ......can i get a cup of coffe? no sorry...

New!

Ricky and saikat join my friends list this week ....just glad that the gang members are waking upto blogspot ...and Sandheer has also started it seems but i wont link him until i get to know that he's gonna blog regularly and not just leave the blog with just one snap of his (sandheer rulz hfjsgf!!... get out!!) ....
sigh! i wish i was with my friends on their trip to goa aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhh!!!! damn damn damn!!!...i hate myself!!! ohhh i so so soooooo wish i was there.
Anyway, gotta get back to quant.

current music: Bhagere Man -Chameli , sunidhi chauhan's voice is heavan man, cant believe it ...amazing ...does listening to this song make me a bit girly? i think so, so i switch to Ya ali- Gangster, damn cool song.
Current passion: My story, i love love love writing it! ..and i seem to be thinking about it maniacally and the sentences play in my head like an AR Rehman song..ahh heavenly bliss.

Current Mood: Pissed ......still.

But for less trivial reasons this time around.
Why is my blood boiling?

1: Justin Berry:It all started on the holiday - HOLI day and i had nothing to do ...i could have slept but no i had to turn on the tv and watch Oprah interview a dude named Justin Berry which kicked off in my mind a sick whirlwind of sorts.Read about him, if you must, here

2: Shobha : Next day I got ample of internet time coz 3 outta 6 of us guys had gone home so noone was on the comp.And i reached Shobha's blog from Pooja's and read her(and others' even worse)story.I have linked her on both my blogs.These stories (Justin's and shobha's) make me sad as much as they enrage me.
Read the particular article here

3:Manadel al Jamadi- And today i read( a bit too late) about al jamadi and this isnt the snap i saw in the TIME (old issue,the GRASIM club library had loads of em heaped like junk) mag,in tht snap it was just his son and his eyes were shut with grief,which had a sickening effect on me.
He shall live a life of a loser,rot in the deserts of uncertainty and weakness and impotence.You lost your father to a bunch of whackos,kid....macho hunks and men and women of such courage ...they had so much fun with is body,froze it like candy and had a gala time with his corpse on the camera.You are destined to rot in this hell kid,you have no future.
the wiki article




4:one other thing i cant name but hell lot worse than these,and unfortnately on the same lines......sigh..

One other line i read in TIME review of the book Two Lives.This is one of the concluding lines of the book...

Behind every door, on every ordinary street, in every hut in every ordinary village on this middling planet of a trivial star such riches are to be found.
-Vikram Seth

Sir,i opened a door of a house in a shady street in an Indian small town which was not very different from the small suburbs of the big cities and know what i found? teachers,lawyers doctors fathers engineers ...seemingly ordianry people which a genial smile on their faces ..interacting with children girls and boys and other people in general with a caring pretence.They had demons in their heads.The alley that leads to such houses is very dark Mr Seth.Apparently very VERY normal people turned out to be psychopaths and paedophiles.And this world is turning out to be much more murkier place and i see no light in this hellhole.A total catastrophe.

And some trivial things which make me awfully irritable these days

1 Asha Bhosle - What the fuck is wrong with her? Go grandma stay in your house and enjoy the respect you have gained over the decades with hard work.Dont go on losing it on MTV dancing on 1 2 cha cha cha.... i think some people no matter how old,or of what status need to be taught some lessons ....some like her dont know when to stop and accept the fact that your time in the limelight is over.Havent you heard of dignified exit ..as in tennis?
2 Himesh Reshammia - the black capped dog goes ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo huzoooooooooooooooooooooooor on every channel.
3 A new smokey smokerson around me...
4 My awful new haircut.
5 The fact that people around me fuss about food ..i mean just the second the food arrives on the table Monu goes "Ye bhi koi khana hai!" tht fucker! i could have just slapped him then and there coz he totally ruined my appetite...ugh!!

And NO! I havent yet seen Rang De Basanti so i wont say "I'm a Rebel!!" and am yet to "Lose Control" ..coz of the fact that i am stuck in yet another creepy tiny town without a decent cinema theatre or a cd rental....just gotta wait for Aug i guess till i am off to Mumbai!! ..hmm..ok..

Current Music : Pure Indipop to cool off my head- Dil Samandar....dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba.......................(infinite loop)
from Garam Masala

Oh so funny...

I guess i'll try to shrug off all the anger ..


"Sometimes only the subversiveness of comedy can do justice to the extremes of horror"
-Amy Tan
"The secret source of humour itself is not joy,but sorrow.There is no humour in heaven"
-Mark Twain

Current Music:Maut-Lucky Ali

Current Mood: Pissed !

Fuck Grasim Fuck Birla and fuck all the firewalls and dimwitted internet admins all over the goddamn world...
the tagboards on both my blogs have been blocked ..son of a bitch...
now i am gonna hve to enable comments on the other one and ask you people to type "hdffgd" or something worse to comment.
fuck it i can see the tagboard on Luna's blog but on mine i see "IWSS Security Event (Proxy-55)...." ..wtf is going on?? AAAAAAAAARRRGHH!! ..I could kill Aditya fuckin birla rt now ..but guess what ....he's already dead.

Ye pet nahin koonwan hai

Either that or the mess food sucks big time OR God save my appetite...

It was just another evening in Nagda ..i had my dinner with two of my PS mates ....had 4 rotis I guess with chole ...ya man its first time I am eating chole with rotis ..anyway ...so we had our dinner and I had gone to my room...was just doing my stuff ...till 9 in the night until Monu barges into my room ...wearing a white Hutch T shirt (which he got for free from the Hutch stall during oasis .in some basky kinda game ..poor hutch guys dinn know he was the basky team captain :P)and shorts, completely drenched in sweat and badminton racquet in his hand..

" ...played like mad today man ..cant eat here now! ..food left over here must taste awful at this late hour ...you have to accompany me to the dhaba ...right now..come on ..lets go!"

"NO way dude I ve already had my dinner.."

"not asking you to eat ..just give me company over there."

"I cant just look at you and truckwalas while you eat PBM and those delicious rotis! "

"then you too can eat if you want"

"No man I don't think I can eat again"

"O plz plz plz!."

"O no no no!!."

"o come on man you know the food is great out there....lets go.."

"its 9 rt now ...by the time we reach there it l be 9 35 or so .and by the time we will have food in front of us it ll be 10 10-15 ...my stomach will be fucked be ...and then we ll probably be back by 11 or so and..."

"ARE YOU COMING OR NOT???"

"...well okay ..there isn't anything worthwhile in my life to do I guess ill go there ...wtf.."

and so we went on feet down the dark and dreary and dusty awful road to a dhaba ....and by the time we reached the tin tappar dhaba .my stomach probably made some space by itself for PBM I guess or what heavenly force made us order 2 plates PBM (Oh ya thts Paneer Butter Masala) ....to my utter surprise i ordered one more plate of PBM which we shared among us I ended up eating 10 delicious butter rotis more (a yumyum yum)......amazingly so.

And guess what ..the next day we got stipend so we were just too glad tht we had money so we again ended up on the same dhaba.

but out here ...there arent many good places to eat ....maybe later on ill do a ps1 vs ps2 analysis...foodwise.

Current Music: Lucky Ali-Sifar..!! that smmooooth heavenly voice is back in my head God bless Lucky Ali ...i have listened to and revered every single song that he has sung ..i seriously think his songs are waaay beyond the appreciation of the indian audiences ...i dunno why but somehow i do.I wish I had songs of his other albums mostly Aks (the album i mean) which had more romantic ones...someone plz go tell hi to make more songs!!! ..like these ...though i have to admit the lyrics seem OHT more than often...

Musafir ko mile raasta
Zamane ko mile waasta..

Current Music

Ode to my family:Cranberries
One last breath:Creed
A New day has come:Celine Dion
Heal the World:Michael Jackson

I wrote a little something here

Current Goddess: Lisa Kudrow - Phoebe Buffay - Regina Felangy.

Whats on my mind....

Interpreter of maladies

Jhumpa Lahiri


Last Saturday went to Bhopal,cought a passenger huffing and puffing to Ujjain at 3 pm with Rushali .. we were hit by such a huge crowd that i didnt even know where she disappeared in it and then I dinn get any place to sit and was standing for 1.5 hours in the horrible journey then took bus to Devas from ujjain coz i dinn get any direct bus to bhopal from ujjain either and then again a bus from devas to bhopal,reached home at 10 in the night.Left for nagda at 6 in the evening on sunday and then started the ultimate torture of my life as i travelled in the general compartment.Its description is impossible.My mom gave me the dinner but it was a horrible situation and i just cudnt eat.Reached Nagda at 1 in the morning.Had to call the company bus at 1 15 and then waited for it in the chilling night for half an hour.It was a bit uncomfortable experience,...
but I am sorry Dad,should ve listened to you that the general compartment is not made for me...or the other way round.I swear i ll always book ticked in advance.

Current Music: Rang De Basanti (ARR Roooooolz!!)

***Your Birthdate: May 28***


You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.
You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems.
Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego.
You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance.

Your strength: Your bold approach to life

Your weakness: You don't accept help

Your power color: Bronze

Your power symbol: Pyramid

Your power month: October
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Ok this has finally happened FINALLY!
I started exercise! u say no big deal but I am just too glad that it happened.Maybe someday I ll tell about my list of ailments and "series of unfortunate events"..but for now
I refuse to be the unfortunate bearer of bulbous tummy and saggy man-breasts!

Current Music: Jal! ..Jal rocks! Jal roolz!
Recent Books I read :) Interpreter of Maladies- Jhumpa Lahiri ( Reading her makes me wanna write.)
Angels and Demons- u know who
Current Goddess: Meg Ryan

So I can say for sure that this is my last sem out here.... finally got Practice School ...a place called Nagda,...of which I had no idea whatsoever.... funnily PS division lived upto its reputation.... but me happy ...a pleasant surprise this Nagda.....OK just getting PS was a matter of joy,really...I just want to thank God that I got Ps .....Then I had no idea how to react to Nagda ......called home and told about it.....its a small town sort of .....near Indore and will be roughly 6 hours trip to Bhopal :) thankfully i shall not have the trouble of accomodation like others as its provided by the company..
All people got PS where they wanted ........Piyush got in Pune and he couldnt have been happier,loads shall be moving to Bang.....yesterday all seemed so happy with smiles all over the place .......one of those beautiful days when all gathered in one wing and shared the jokes... the Yahoo jokes n Andale dandale ones :P

Took some songs from Juba yesterday,and landed upon "Vellai Pookal" from Kannathil Muthamittal.......Sometime around the time I started blogging I had promised to myself that I shall not attempt to put into words my feelings about...

1.Pilani
2.Music ...specifically A.R. Rehman's works

..because it just sucks out too much energy from me to do so.and at the end of it I shall feel that its not a job well done......it really isnt....But I have already talked a bit about the first one ...now let me do the second thing too,..... right now I am happy that the ps thing happened and a little too besotted by this song.
Its a pity that such good songs remain out of hands of the non tamil speaking devotees of ARR like me.Its just unfair that i got to listen to this song this late ....and that too was a matter of chance.And it needs patience .....I remember how that annoyed Jammy :) I went to Juba's room to get American Beauty written and ended up talking for an hour about lots of things and luckily got this song.All I know is what this music feels like...i dont know what words he is singing mean
its so featherlight....feels like first drizzle of the spring. ...all the words like "magic" and "sublime" to discribe his music seem petty....I sincerely hope that similies help.I cant sing this song...I settle for "nanana nana nana nanana" and the whisteles.Just the guitar and his voice could create images in eyes and fill them with colours... no other music moves one like that.... no other music felt so simple yet powerful to make me see this world differently ...rather makes the pictures in my eyes of a world in which i would love to be in .... ...this music is a blessing ....just like a sunday morning.....bright sunshine full of hope,....when green trees with yellow flowers so gleefully dance .....full with energy in the wind ....and i could run free.all this imagery is the gift of this music............this music feels like a friend.....who puts his arm around my shoulder with a smile,tells me that this life is so beautiful ....unbounded,seamless,full of new possibilities....that there is no reason to be down .....we lie on our backs on a bed drenched in the tumbling mirth of the sunlight from the window.....i hear brown sparrows twitter in the verandah ....as the smells from the kitchen fill the room while my mother cooks ..... just being there ..with every breath..... experiencing all of these at a single moment ...seems like time has stood still ... its a feeling quite the same as each and every second that this music soaks my soul......and how I feel such gratitude for these things...

you want to read this?

The very first episode of FRIENDS...

Ross (to Rachel): If you dunn wanna be alone tonight you can come over at my place,Chandler and Joie are helping me put up my furniture....
Chandler: Yes ....and we are very excited about it...
Joie:Hey Pheebs! Do you wanna help?
Phoebe: No,..I wish I could but I dont want to.

Like me one might laugh listening to the joke on tv.....but lets just fade out the fake laughs that follow ..ignore the Phoebe cuteness (if possible :P)and let the last line just hang in your mindspace for some time.......

*********************
................................
.................

15497 people on the mad mad orkut dont want to....Its the community i found named "I dont want to". Its just like that ...is it? We just dont want to do something......is this laziness?...well,i think it might spark off some sort of a debate .......but i dont want to.

I think to make oneself want to do something is more difficult than actually doing it.I hate to sound this way....the way i do right now...but i think it does make some sense.even if i push myself somehow at some level that motivation is never complete and so the execution suffers.....at some points in my life, that "wanting" to do it seems more insurmountable than the actual work.

[Whats on my mind: exams....things i gotta do before i leave Pilani.....packing.....PS.....Wigan n Leigh.....Harry Potter....
"Wake me up when september ends" Green Day
"Saiyyan" Fuzon