last sunday i watched indiana jones
the week before that, 21,
the week before that, Prince Caspian,
the week before that, Iron Man,
this week i will read High Fidelity by Nick Hornby instead of going to "Sex & the City"
Friday, June 06, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
A month ago, my agent showed me some really horrible places to live in on a saturday. on monday morning he calls me in office hours to tell me that he has found a "beautiful" place to live in. i took it. thats the place i m living in now. i love it as a matter of fact, it really is good.
but thats the game they play, they will show the ugly ones first. i got the picture that there really isnt a good place easily to be found. i got desperate.
maybe i m stretching it a bit too much, maybe i ll sound too old for my age ......
a regular middle class father of a girl will get ugly ones first for her, so that she doesnt have much liberty to be choosy. "Handsome young men are difficult to come by.......... or what is it?"
and here's a bad one, the one after seeing the first guy "How can my dad think that i m worth a man this ugly...?"
but thats the game they play, they will show the ugly ones first. i got the picture that there really isnt a good place easily to be found. i got desperate.
maybe i m stretching it a bit too much, maybe i ll sound too old for my age ......
a regular middle class father of a girl will get ugly ones first for her, so that she doesnt have much liberty to be choosy. "Handsome young men are difficult to come by.......... or what is it?"
and here's a bad one, the one after seeing the first guy "How can my dad think that i m worth a man this ugly...?"
Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
I now live near K R Puram Bus stand. The bus stand does not exist.
Every time i am waiting for the bus i am under the threat of being run over by the bus, mini bus, truck, mini truck, autorickshaw, motorcyclists, vegetable vendors and many more high speed heavy machines which are running. the road disappears into the dust and people like me are standing at the side only to be shooed by these big guys. for the fear of being run over we run helter skelter.
there is no place safe which is meant for people to stand and wait for the bus, a place where any vehicle cannot go. apart from the fact that buses come to this place there is no other sign which indicates that this place is a bus stand.
but why am i complaining? life is good now. but as always i complain and doubt.
have been religiously reading black swan when i get a seat in the bus and the bus is stuck in the notorious bangalore traffic. this book is life changing. many ideas corroborated with what i had learnt in landmark education. Corroboration! Now that is something to learn about from this book! check it out to understand what i mean.
Every time i am waiting for the bus i am under the threat of being run over by the bus, mini bus, truck, mini truck, autorickshaw, motorcyclists, vegetable vendors and many more high speed heavy machines which are running. the road disappears into the dust and people like me are standing at the side only to be shooed by these big guys. for the fear of being run over we run helter skelter.
there is no place safe which is meant for people to stand and wait for the bus, a place where any vehicle cannot go. apart from the fact that buses come to this place there is no other sign which indicates that this place is a bus stand.
but why am i complaining? life is good now. but as always i complain and doubt.
have been religiously reading black swan when i get a seat in the bus and the bus is stuck in the notorious bangalore traffic. this book is life changing. many ideas corroborated with what i had learnt in landmark education. Corroboration! Now that is something to learn about from this book! check it out to understand what i mean.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
i just now remembered the movie swades. the memory of good movies is super. the music of ar rahman makes me feel the cool breeze, bright sunshine, green landscapes. authentic movies come by rarely. what i dont understand is that why does every movie need to have the hero fall in love with a beautiful woman. even the best and well made movies with a powerful message as in the movie swades, has the hero falling in love. cant they consider the possibilty that the movie has no love story. the message of entrepreneurship and love of the motherland should have overshadowed the love story. because the message deserves undivided attention from the filmmakers to make the impact on the audience.
Update: lets talk about realism. swades is an awesome movie. but if it talks of the real situation of our country its not realistic on the human front. mohan and gita are two strong personalities. why is it that they will surely fall in love? in real life shit happens. the finest of the young people never get along. the best of the entrepreneurs, managers, life saving doctors, benevolent evangelists, are gonna have shitty personal lives and broken relationships. i watched too much dr. house a month ago and while watching i got this feeling "life is unfair and genuinely impartial. and that is usual"
or maybe i m not so much concerned about swades, its just my current state of mind.
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I have understood that there is a world of difference between doing business successfully and doing a profitable business. creating value for your customers is not every business's ball game. earning money, amassing wealth has nothing to do with creating value.
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two of my friends have started blogging. i m not permitted to disclose one url, the other one is this. welcome moi3.
Update: lets talk about realism. swades is an awesome movie. but if it talks of the real situation of our country its not realistic on the human front. mohan and gita are two strong personalities. why is it that they will surely fall in love? in real life shit happens. the finest of the young people never get along. the best of the entrepreneurs, managers, life saving doctors, benevolent evangelists, are gonna have shitty personal lives and broken relationships. i watched too much dr. house a month ago and while watching i got this feeling "life is unfair and genuinely impartial. and that is usual"
or maybe i m not so much concerned about swades, its just my current state of mind.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have understood that there is a world of difference between doing business successfully and doing a profitable business. creating value for your customers is not every business's ball game. earning money, amassing wealth has nothing to do with creating value.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
two of my friends have started blogging. i m not permitted to disclose one url, the other one is this. welcome moi3.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Randy Pausch, the Tigger.
I have been besotted by Randy Pausch. the speech is mind boggling.
the complete last lecture is here
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=362421849901825950
shorter versions are here
http://youtube.com/watch?v=k0aO64aKqek&feature=bz302
(On Oprah Winfrey show)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utwFZsSFke0&NR=1
(he is ABC's person of the week)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWIT8x4b4gU&NR=1
(on CNBC)
his home page
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/
at the end of one of these interviews he says "I like living" and that is from the mouth of a person who is going to die in the matter of weeks. that was the defining moment for me, when all his words made a synergy, a whole new meaning, when for a second my heart stopped beating and i thought every living moment is a gift.
i thought at the end of the oprah winfrey show he had become feeble when he mentioned his children.
i think his story is remarkably similar to richard feynman's.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
i feel it in my bones...
last night i had a tough time breathing, long time since i had that sick feeling like the balloon in my chest is poisonous. it took me a fair bit of time to go to sleep. but today evening i felt a pleasant presence in the air. i think winter is approaching. its a nice feeling. the air feels silky, yes i think its silky coz its not cold or chill. i feel a slight electricity in the air, and a similar feeling i have every year around diwali.....
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
holiday
today, was a holiday and i slept like a log. all my plans for the day went in the drain as after a hearty and satisfying lunch, i slept quite easily. now, a point to consider here is since i called my lunch "hearty and satisfying" it could not have been in the hostel. i have not always been so skeptical of the mess food, but lately i observed that not having a good meal made me irritable. but in today's case it resulted in quashing of all my plans.
as i was going out today i suddenly loved seeing "houses". yes, a bit queer as it may seem, i observed different types of houses and homes. in this locality of puttappa colony, thippasandra, houses are small, mostly. there are flats and individual houses. sunshine is plenty and the wind was blowing very nicely. the whole environment around the urban households is very warm, energetic and something is happening all the time around the houses. and two ladies were up in the balcony keenly observing and chatting about whats happening. clothes of all kinds were hanging from windows and balconies.
probably i was getting homesick. i so wanna be at home and eat the home food. these homes could be small to live in i fear. i was reminded the time when i was searching a one room kitchen for rent. hated that time. but people live so happily i thought. the whole business of living in small abodes in busy city. small neglected existences involved in their own chores with such renewed enthusiasm over and over again, everyday.
the people out there
people dont always mean what they say. what they say often hurts us. if i look closer, it is just us, ourselves who is letting ourselves get hurt.
a benevolent, compassionate view of the world is difficult to come by. if i say that all the people of the world, my friends, my colleagues, teachers, parents, small children playing in the street, shopkeepers, waiters, etc. are actually very nice people. they are innocent. they do and say things on accounts of reasons beyond my knowledge. that i will never know. there is something out there which i dont know that i dont know. but i just gotta believe that the world out there is GOOD and innocent, but its not how it will physically appear always. so, what i am saying is -
1. world - (the people, essentially) is good.
2. it wont always APPEAR that way
3. why is it so? you' ll never know, so dont break your head over it.
4. believe in the goodness, and get your work done (the key to success and happiness)
you will continuously get the stimuli that will puzzle you. people shouting at you, challenging you, make you angry, tease you, beat the hell out of you, invite you to be nasty, compete with you and what not. you gotta succeed, and keep your self esteem in tact. but at the end of the day you have to keep the faith that they are all good. you have to be compassionate. stop trying to understand. you can never understand any person fully, ever!
but the happy, good, benevolent view of the world is inspiring. i had this experience when i was presenting a case on Walt Disney in the international business class. it was my first presentation of the second term. and before i started to walk towards the front of the class, i recited in my head many sentences something to this effect - "the audience are my friends. they are eager to listen to me. they want to know what i have got to say."
when we are in a negative spiral, we neglect the positive stimuli. i remember in my past i refused to see the good things in myself. i refused to see the opportunities i had. i just wasnt happy about what i had. i sulked about what i didnt have.
in a positive spiral, you identify the negative stimuli. you dont turn blind to them. you say "what i see is not the truth." smile and believe that the reason for this might be beyond my knowledge, but my faith in the goodness of the world and the people around me is ultimate and strong as a rock. he is saying or doing this because of something which is beyond my knowledge. but i will not get influenced in a negative way because of this.positive spiral is not reactive. it is not outside in, it is inside out. my actions are not a response to what others say or do but my beliefs and integrity in action.
as i was going out today i suddenly loved seeing "houses". yes, a bit queer as it may seem, i observed different types of houses and homes. in this locality of puttappa colony, thippasandra, houses are small, mostly. there are flats and individual houses. sunshine is plenty and the wind was blowing very nicely. the whole environment around the urban households is very warm, energetic and something is happening all the time around the houses. and two ladies were up in the balcony keenly observing and chatting about whats happening. clothes of all kinds were hanging from windows and balconies.
probably i was getting homesick. i so wanna be at home and eat the home food. these homes could be small to live in i fear. i was reminded the time when i was searching a one room kitchen for rent. hated that time. but people live so happily i thought. the whole business of living in small abodes in busy city. small neglected existences involved in their own chores with such renewed enthusiasm over and over again, everyday.
the people out there
people dont always mean what they say. what they say often hurts us. if i look closer, it is just us, ourselves who is letting ourselves get hurt.
a benevolent, compassionate view of the world is difficult to come by. if i say that all the people of the world, my friends, my colleagues, teachers, parents, small children playing in the street, shopkeepers, waiters, etc. are actually very nice people. they are innocent. they do and say things on accounts of reasons beyond my knowledge. that i will never know. there is something out there which i dont know that i dont know. but i just gotta believe that the world out there is GOOD and innocent, but its not how it will physically appear always. so, what i am saying is -
1. world - (the people, essentially) is good.
2. it wont always APPEAR that way
3. why is it so? you' ll never know, so dont break your head over it.
4. believe in the goodness, and get your work done (the key to success and happiness)
you will continuously get the stimuli that will puzzle you. people shouting at you, challenging you, make you angry, tease you, beat the hell out of you, invite you to be nasty, compete with you and what not. you gotta succeed, and keep your self esteem in tact. but at the end of the day you have to keep the faith that they are all good. you have to be compassionate. stop trying to understand. you can never understand any person fully, ever!
but the happy, good, benevolent view of the world is inspiring. i had this experience when i was presenting a case on Walt Disney in the international business class. it was my first presentation of the second term. and before i started to walk towards the front of the class, i recited in my head many sentences something to this effect - "the audience are my friends. they are eager to listen to me. they want to know what i have got to say."
when we are in a negative spiral, we neglect the positive stimuli. i remember in my past i refused to see the good things in myself. i refused to see the opportunities i had. i just wasnt happy about what i had. i sulked about what i didnt have.
in a positive spiral, you identify the negative stimuli. you dont turn blind to them. you say "what i see is not the truth." smile and believe that the reason for this might be beyond my knowledge, but my faith in the goodness of the world and the people around me is ultimate and strong as a rock. he is saying or doing this because of something which is beyond my knowledge. but i will not get influenced in a negative way because of this.positive spiral is not reactive. it is not outside in, it is inside out. my actions are not a response to what others say or do but my beliefs and integrity in action.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
an impulse post..
i think probability is one of the most potent forces governing our lives. or uncertainty, so to speak.
am i being ignored? left out? No, its just your feeling. its chance working on you. you were left out just by chance, like maybe few others. but we fall prey to this and create our beliefs, misunderstandings and judge yourself and others. its a trap to which i fell many times. its tempting if you are in the self victimizing mode.
am i being ignored? left out? No, its just your feeling. its chance working on you. you were left out just by chance, like maybe few others. but we fall prey to this and create our beliefs, misunderstandings and judge yourself and others. its a trap to which i fell many times. its tempting if you are in the self victimizing mode.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
pleasant change
I am on my own. Finally.
Now I can open the window and once and for all let the sunlight come in, even if its limited in amount. The problem is that the window opens in front of another apartment, so there isn’t direct sunlight. But till now, in the last seven months my roomie, lets call him khatauli, must have let me open that window for number of times that can be counted on fingers. So, there was hardly any sunlight and no air circulation whatsoever. The arrangement in the room was terrible. I had to keep my table in front of my bed because there want enough space. There want enough space to move around.
But things just got a hell lot better! My roomie left for a single room, and the room for two is now all for me!! I immediately made the changes and now I cant stop admiring my room. It seems like there’s a new lease of life. I now have lots of space to keep my things, which have grown every term, I think. I even pasted inspirational quotes and photos. I pasted a photo of Richard Feynman, articulating in his classroom ("what do you care, what other people think?" he says) this man’s life and thoughts are sheer inspiration, even if you don’t much care about physics. the life of ER doctors i feel is inspirational. and the part in the movie "city of angels in the end, meg ryan rides bicycle on a serene road.
I did not sleep in the last 24 hours. This is serious. I don’t have much workload, and there isn’t much to read either (at least not now I am not reading) but why did I not sleep? I kept thinking a lot and reading random stuff. Its not like I did not feel sleepy, at around 2.30 I made up my mind not to sleep. At 4 ate bread with chesespread and drank coffee (that now keeps me alive and makes sure I leave for college at 8 30 in the morning.
Max martin is an amazing musician. Most of the backstreet boys, n-sync songs are composed by him, love those thumping techno music. In the night I was reminded of the days in my high school when I used to listen to those a lot. Its fun.
current music :"get another boyfriend" by Backstreet Boys - (attack of the cheesy cliche!!! i know but the music is awesome)
Now I can open the window and once and for all let the sunlight come in, even if its limited in amount. The problem is that the window opens in front of another apartment, so there isn’t direct sunlight. But till now, in the last seven months my roomie, lets call him khatauli, must have let me open that window for number of times that can be counted on fingers. So, there was hardly any sunlight and no air circulation whatsoever. The arrangement in the room was terrible. I had to keep my table in front of my bed because there want enough space. There want enough space to move around.
But things just got a hell lot better! My roomie left for a single room, and the room for two is now all for me!! I immediately made the changes and now I cant stop admiring my room. It seems like there’s a new lease of life. I now have lots of space to keep my things, which have grown every term, I think. I even pasted inspirational quotes and photos. I pasted a photo of Richard Feynman, articulating in his classroom ("what do you care, what other people think?" he says) this man’s life and thoughts are sheer inspiration, even if you don’t much care about physics. the life of ER doctors i feel is inspirational. and the part in the movie "city of angels in the end, meg ryan rides bicycle on a serene road.
I did not sleep in the last 24 hours. This is serious. I don’t have much workload, and there isn’t much to read either (at least not now I am not reading) but why did I not sleep? I kept thinking a lot and reading random stuff. Its not like I did not feel sleepy, at around 2.30 I made up my mind not to sleep. At 4 ate bread with chesespread and drank coffee (that now keeps me alive and makes sure I leave for college at 8 30 in the morning.
Max martin is an amazing musician. Most of the backstreet boys, n-sync songs are composed by him, love those thumping techno music. In the night I was reminded of the days in my high school when I used to listen to those a lot. Its fun.
current music :"get another boyfriend" by Backstreet Boys - (attack of the cheesy cliche!!! i know but the music is awesome)
Sunday, September 09, 2007
the moment
There was a moment.
A moment which was precious. I don’t know how everything around me must have been. The same sun must have been around; the same wind must have blown softly. In my head all must have been milky white maybe. White clear, I must have been breathing much comfortably back then and feeling so much lighter. Back then when I had no past.
There was a moment, when I had no past. My life was a clean slate. And all that I turned to were my parents. And I listened to them. And I did not ask any questions. No doubts in my head, my world was infinite and encapsulated in their words.
I don’t remember that moment. But it was the seed to the world I am now living in.
A moment which was precious. I don’t know how everything around me must have been. The same sun must have been around; the same wind must have blown softly. In my head all must have been milky white maybe. White clear, I must have been breathing much comfortably back then and feeling so much lighter. Back then when I had no past.
There was a moment, when I had no past. My life was a clean slate. And all that I turned to were my parents. And I listened to them. And I did not ask any questions. No doubts in my head, my world was infinite and encapsulated in their words.
I don’t remember that moment. But it was the seed to the world I am now living in.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
from darkness to light
my sympathy isnt for free.
so keep all your things to yourself, i spent my time, energy and words into the void, but not anymore. i have decided to be more honest from now on. its better others and far more importantly for myself. i remembered i had read the following in a blog -
god, its so painfully difficult to implement. this process of letting go is very difficult. but THATS IT!its not wise enough to waste anymore blogspace on it either.
i did not have any class today, i took rest, completed my quota of sleep. fixed the room and washed clothes (first thing in the morning)
last time when i was at the doctor's i chanced at "men's health" magazine which i thought was good. i bought one today and planning to start exercise from tomorrow. ah, well this isnt first such plan, but i am starting afresh. nothing is obstructing me right now. everything is just the way i wanted and i have no complaints. i have my landmark forum on 14th. the whole course is of 3.5 days friday to sunday and the tuesday evening. i am really excited about it. something concrete which will change my life. i pasted some inspirational stuff on my wall today. the warden probably wont be happy but wtf.(we were not allowed to paste anything of the wall - for the fear that it would discolour or damage the wall paint) but i badly needed to change my surroundings to make things work for me. i started with database management systems today, also read about the appreciating rupee, how the indian government needs to be more proactive at handling inflation keeping the trade balance healthy for the domestic industries, take a lesson or two from china which has pegged its currency at a lower value to the us dollar.
tomorrow i am going to attend the international economics - amir khan class. long time since i listened to that crazy genius talk. tomorrow morning is going to be special - exercise - first thing in the morning. i watched "ER" religiously all the days while i was at home. hospital as an organisation, doctors as groups and teams are amazing. lots to learn. the program is amazing, performances are real and stories are engaging. kudos to the genius crichton who himself a doctor, conceived it. the lives of the doctors inspire me. the environment in the er is electric. the oft spoken "decision making under uncertainty" used in management is seen here, along with risk, teamwork, conflict resolution, negotiation, stress, not to mention courage and strength of character(i particularly remember the episode in which maura tierney's character is kidnapped by street fighting gangsters to take care of bullet-shot killer, which involved racial issues too, apart from the issue of definition of the doctor - she takes care of ANY person who is at her desk, no matter if he is a gangster, no matter if there is a danger of her losing her life after she treats her patient. that episode was riveting) i learnt that human mind has infinite capacity. physical capacity however is limited. its essential that you take care of your body, nurture it, provide proper nutrition, i need to exercise to be strong, that it will pay huge dividends to take care of my body right now before its too late. in 24 hours of the day, all the things you wish CAN be done.
someone said, the way you take bath everyday, you need to motivate youself every single day, every waking moment is in your hand - create it the way YOU want it. push yourself - or look for the magnets which pull in the right direction. make the complete efforts which take you from darkness to light.
so keep all your things to yourself, i spent my time, energy and words into the void, but not anymore. i have decided to be more honest from now on. its better others and far more importantly for myself. i remembered i had read the following in a blog -
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
god, its so painfully difficult to implement. this process of letting go is very difficult. but THATS IT!its not wise enough to waste anymore blogspace on it either.
i did not have any class today, i took rest, completed my quota of sleep. fixed the room and washed clothes (first thing in the morning)
last time when i was at the doctor's i chanced at "men's health" magazine which i thought was good. i bought one today and planning to start exercise from tomorrow. ah, well this isnt first such plan, but i am starting afresh. nothing is obstructing me right now. everything is just the way i wanted and i have no complaints. i have my landmark forum on 14th. the whole course is of 3.5 days friday to sunday and the tuesday evening. i am really excited about it. something concrete which will change my life. i pasted some inspirational stuff on my wall today. the warden probably wont be happy but wtf.(we were not allowed to paste anything of the wall - for the fear that it would discolour or damage the wall paint) but i badly needed to change my surroundings to make things work for me. i started with database management systems today, also read about the appreciating rupee, how the indian government needs to be more proactive at handling inflation keeping the trade balance healthy for the domestic industries, take a lesson or two from china which has pegged its currency at a lower value to the us dollar.
tomorrow i am going to attend the international economics - amir khan class. long time since i listened to that crazy genius talk. tomorrow morning is going to be special - exercise - first thing in the morning. i watched "ER" religiously all the days while i was at home. hospital as an organisation, doctors as groups and teams are amazing. lots to learn. the program is amazing, performances are real and stories are engaging. kudos to the genius crichton who himself a doctor, conceived it. the lives of the doctors inspire me. the environment in the er is electric. the oft spoken "decision making under uncertainty" used in management is seen here, along with risk, teamwork, conflict resolution, negotiation, stress, not to mention courage and strength of character(i particularly remember the episode in which maura tierney's character is kidnapped by street fighting gangsters to take care of bullet-shot killer, which involved racial issues too, apart from the issue of definition of the doctor - she takes care of ANY person who is at her desk, no matter if he is a gangster, no matter if there is a danger of her losing her life after she treats her patient. that episode was riveting) i learnt that human mind has infinite capacity. physical capacity however is limited. its essential that you take care of your body, nurture it, provide proper nutrition, i need to exercise to be strong, that it will pay huge dividends to take care of my body right now before its too late. in 24 hours of the day, all the things you wish CAN be done.
someone said, the way you take bath everyday, you need to motivate youself every single day, every waking moment is in your hand - create it the way YOU want it. push yourself - or look for the magnets which pull in the right direction. make the complete efforts which take you from darkness to light.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
examz over
and the worst one was finance. but nothing about that. i am going home tomorrow afternoon - yeshwantpur - vasco da gama express. relief!! thank you god for this feeling of relief.
and i will not be online or reply to mails and scraps and write blog posts, though their frequency has dwindled anyway. but i am gonna eat read and sleep at home. read and finish good books i left incomplete and plan for the next term. the killer term. god, i want this one to be perfect. no excuses. its now or never. in a way its good that i am going home before the term starts on 31st, i will come back refreshed and recharged. clear away all the webs of doubts and the shit that accumulated over years. thanx to mrs h i had an evaluation of the shit in the past two terms. things became clearer. now its time to act. and plan for the improved plan of action. seriously, each of her class had been very stimulating. i used to look forward to each one with specific expectation with certain enthusiasm. i have had revelations. her classes is one thing and the other most important thing that happened to me was the dance performance. felt great about my stamina, given my assignments, rehearsing for the dance, i think i did a pretty good job :) i couldnt post all the photos of the dance last time because of some problem with the blogger, as i had mentioned in the last post. i am posting them now. this term my people skills improved many times. i had good conversations with many people - subbu, jhango, sarkar, jhingon, suri, cheevi (my groupie in most of the assignments who dealt with my irrational moodswings very well - thanx a lot! :)) i am now feeling satisfied, as i feel i have become much better at dealing with people, but still there's hell long way to go. this sem i had bitter experiences with people too. i learnt about attention seeking behaviour, self pity, emotional superficiality........its kinda sad and we cant do anything about it. (yes, i said we) and we wasted a lot of time talking about something which is apparently incurable! much to our frustration. and we never saw it coming. it was sad because it hurt and what seemed like good friendship took a new dimension. but we learnt and took a lesson about how to deal with such behaviours, its not completely their fault, but we need to be careful.
the hostel is deserted. i need to pack all the stuff. and i am so damn tired. more coffee, one last time. really really looking forward to an out of this world term, the next one. i really have no words about what to expect out of myself for the next term. i plan to work harder than ever before. its gonna be a great term - finally things are gonna fall in place. i need to start reading when i am at home. i need to recharge and also cultivate the right frame of mind before the term gets started. i have made a list of books i need to skim through in my vacations and a set of goals to be achieved in these 9 days. so next stop - home!
tata!
and i will not be online or reply to mails and scraps and write blog posts, though their frequency has dwindled anyway. but i am gonna eat read and sleep at home. read and finish good books i left incomplete and plan for the next term. the killer term. god, i want this one to be perfect. no excuses. its now or never. in a way its good that i am going home before the term starts on 31st, i will come back refreshed and recharged. clear away all the webs of doubts and the shit that accumulated over years. thanx to mrs h i had an evaluation of the shit in the past two terms. things became clearer. now its time to act. and plan for the improved plan of action. seriously, each of her class had been very stimulating. i used to look forward to each one with specific expectation with certain enthusiasm. i have had revelations. her classes is one thing and the other most important thing that happened to me was the dance performance. felt great about my stamina, given my assignments, rehearsing for the dance, i think i did a pretty good job :) i couldnt post all the photos of the dance last time because of some problem with the blogger, as i had mentioned in the last post. i am posting them now. this term my people skills improved many times. i had good conversations with many people - subbu, jhango, sarkar, jhingon, suri, cheevi (my groupie in most of the assignments who dealt with my irrational moodswings very well - thanx a lot! :)) i am now feeling satisfied, as i feel i have become much better at dealing with people, but still there's hell long way to go. this sem i had bitter experiences with people too. i learnt about attention seeking behaviour, self pity, emotional superficiality........its kinda sad and we cant do anything about it. (yes, i said we) and we wasted a lot of time talking about something which is apparently incurable! much to our frustration. and we never saw it coming. it was sad because it hurt and what seemed like good friendship took a new dimension. but we learnt and took a lesson about how to deal with such behaviours, its not completely their fault, but we need to be careful.
the hostel is deserted. i need to pack all the stuff. and i am so damn tired. more coffee, one last time. really really looking forward to an out of this world term, the next one. i really have no words about what to expect out of myself for the next term. i plan to work harder than ever before. its gonna be a great term - finally things are gonna fall in place. i need to start reading when i am at home. i need to recharge and also cultivate the right frame of mind before the term gets started. i have made a list of books i need to skim through in my vacations and a set of goals to be achieved in these 9 days. so next stop - home!
tata!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
i have international business exam tomorrow. and i need a vent to the chaos in my mind. the exams are such a time when blogging gets a chance, dont know why, happened before also, its 15th august and i have a holiday to prepare for tomorrow. this post is going to be a ramble, total vent to my feelings over past one month, rather the whole godforsaken month. god, my roomie is studying like hell and here i am unable to focus.
so, i had problems..........with blogger too - apart from the real life problems - i wrote a huge post last time i was feeling like blogging - i wrote it nicely with stuff about mrs h and mon and the goings on of this term. but there was something seriously wrong with blogger, all my post went down the drain even after i pushed the publish button. not the net connection problem or anything - it just didnt publish. i got even more disappointed as my last resort of expressing myself also got ruined. i guess that was a bad patch. it seems to be getting better. i suggest that readers of this post, if there are any, take all this stuff with a pinch of salt.
lately i have been having all mixed feelings. mostly depressed, low enthusiasm, rut. well, i need some pill.
mrs h has been the most important person i have met in this mba program. i tell her almost everything and learning for me has been tremendous. i mean my point of view might now have changed totally but my vision got clearer. started seeing things a lot better after quite a few jolts, shocks. i learnt that solutions to almost more than half the problems of my life lie in telling the truth. its not as simple as it sounds. i learnt that too. telling the truth needs courage and introspection. go deeper. deeper still. and tell the truth to yourself. accept it. dont make assumptions. i did make a lot previously.
i have a pain in my neck and ear. i need exercise, and i am not so disciplined to be doing it. i have my landmark forum on 14th of september. i got it changed from august because i had evaluations. i need an overhauling for my life. need to tighten the screws.
i need to tell people things. my pattern has been very random. either i disclose to my friends a lot in a haphazard way, more personal details or i just dont speak at all. either i get too confident - overconfident or i give up totally. and its this thing about "all or nothing" which has been the reason for my failures. its all or none. i make elaborate plans - huge ambitious and apparently intelligent. but i falter again in the execution.
i am going home this sunday. i am just dying to get home. just for few days. the biggest term of my life, my specialization term starts from 31st.
so, i had problems..........with blogger too - apart from the real life problems - i wrote a huge post last time i was feeling like blogging - i wrote it nicely with stuff about mrs h and mon and the goings on of this term. but there was something seriously wrong with blogger, all my post went down the drain even after i pushed the publish button. not the net connection problem or anything - it just didnt publish. i got even more disappointed as my last resort of expressing myself also got ruined. i guess that was a bad patch. it seems to be getting better. i suggest that readers of this post, if there are any, take all this stuff with a pinch of salt.
lately i have been having all mixed feelings. mostly depressed, low enthusiasm, rut. well, i need some pill.
mrs h has been the most important person i have met in this mba program. i tell her almost everything and learning for me has been tremendous. i mean my point of view might now have changed totally but my vision got clearer. started seeing things a lot better after quite a few jolts, shocks. i learnt that solutions to almost more than half the problems of my life lie in telling the truth. its not as simple as it sounds. i learnt that too. telling the truth needs courage and introspection. go deeper. deeper still. and tell the truth to yourself. accept it. dont make assumptions. i did make a lot previously.
i have a pain in my neck and ear. i need exercise, and i am not so disciplined to be doing it. i have my landmark forum on 14th of september. i got it changed from august because i had evaluations. i need an overhauling for my life. need to tighten the screws.
i need to tell people things. my pattern has been very random. either i disclose to my friends a lot in a haphazard way, more personal details or i just dont speak at all. either i get too confident - overconfident or i give up totally. and its this thing about "all or nothing" which has been the reason for my failures. its all or none. i make elaborate plans - huge ambitious and apparently intelligent. but i falter again in the execution.
i am going home this sunday. i am just dying to get home. just for few days. the biggest term of my life, my specialization term starts from 31st.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
update
i watched hp 5 on a pirated dvd, no time n mood to write a detailed review but i loved the movie.
n ya amit, spew really might not be significant, while watching the movie i got another idea, extrapolation of the previous one actually -
house elves
centaurs
giants
will join forces - sequentially to fight death eaters. the idea is to surprise and amuse by bringing in these groups to fight against death eaters in twists n turns of events. its similar to LOTR - the hobbit's ending when the eagles surprise in saving in the end.
by the way, apart from many twists and turns in my own life, the most significant one was the dance performance, a little one, medley of three songs - dil dooba, nach baliye and appadipode.
a butterfly was also witness to the proceedings
n ya amit, spew really might not be significant, while watching the movie i got another idea, extrapolation of the previous one actually -
house elves
centaurs
giants
will join forces - sequentially to fight death eaters. the idea is to surprise and amuse by bringing in these groups to fight against death eaters in twists n turns of events. its similar to LOTR - the hobbit's ending when the eagles surprise in saving in the end.
by the way, apart from many twists and turns in my own life, the most significant one was the dance performance, a little one, medley of three songs - dil dooba, nach baliye and appadipode.
a butterfly was also witness to the proceedings
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Do I need help? Yes,I think I do.
I have had pain in my neck/shoulder/back for more than two years but I did not address the problem in any seriousness, until a month ago. talk about hurting yourself.
So I registered for the Landmark Forum, not just because of this but due to several reasons that make the indigestible nike. this means i paid 5600,.....four days out of my MBA week,no study, no meeting other people, only ........improvement, hopefully.
PS I wanna go home, I miss Aaaii, Baba. :( ...the goa breeze, calm green highway that takes me home, bright sunshine.......
I have had pain in my neck/shoulder/back for more than two years but I did not address the problem in any seriousness, until a month ago. talk about hurting yourself.
So I registered for the Landmark Forum, not just because of this but due to several reasons that make the indigestible nike. this means i paid 5600,.....four days out of my MBA week,no study, no meeting other people, only ........improvement, hopefully.
PS I wanna go home, I miss Aaaii, Baba. :( ...the goa breeze, calm green highway that takes me home, bright sunshine.......
Sunday, May 20, 2007
An update on my life...
Work expands.
Thats the worst thing about life, i can see that happening. The first week of the second term of my MBA is over. Two assignments to finish by 25th and I have much free time, i think I can say that. And I have been listening to too many songs and thinking about a sad story I heard a few days ago.
Do you believe in the lines you have on your hands? What if you knew the time you are gonna die?
I was very sad last week, even if it (the story) had not much to do with me. I felt such gloom spread over my days, and a real first in my life that I was feeling so sad for someone else.
Ok, lets not talk about it too much.
So I have made, what can be termed the third most important decision of my life, I am specializing in Information Systems.
What do I wanna do in my life? I will end up in academics, sure I can feel it in my guts right now. But first, gotta earn money. And though, not many thoughts stay in my mind so long, this one says that it would be really great if i could retire at the age of 40.
Thats the worst thing about life, i can see that happening. The first week of the second term of my MBA is over. Two assignments to finish by 25th and I have much free time, i think I can say that. And I have been listening to too many songs and thinking about a sad story I heard a few days ago.
Do you believe in the lines you have on your hands? What if you knew the time you are gonna die?
I was very sad last week, even if it (the story) had not much to do with me. I felt such gloom spread over my days, and a real first in my life that I was feeling so sad for someone else.
Ok, lets not talk about it too much.
So I have made, what can be termed the third most important decision of my life, I am specializing in Information Systems.
What do I wanna do in my life? I will end up in academics, sure I can feel it in my guts right now. But first, gotta earn money. And though, not many thoughts stay in my mind so long, this one says that it would be really great if i could retire at the age of 40.
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