today, was a holiday and i slept like a log. all my plans for the day went in the drain as after a hearty and satisfying lunch, i slept quite easily. now, a point to consider here is since i called my lunch "hearty and satisfying" it could not have been in the hostel. i have not always been so skeptical of the mess food, but lately i observed that not having a good meal made me irritable. but in today's case it resulted in quashing of all my plans.
as i was going out today i suddenly loved seeing "houses". yes, a bit queer as it may seem, i observed different types of houses and homes. in this locality of puttappa colony, thippasandra, houses are small, mostly. there are flats and individual houses. sunshine is plenty and the wind was blowing very nicely. the whole environment around the urban households is very warm, energetic and something is happening all the time around the houses. and two ladies were up in the balcony keenly observing and chatting about whats happening. clothes of all kinds were hanging from windows and balconies.
probably i was getting homesick. i so wanna be at home and eat the home food. these homes could be small to live in i fear. i was reminded the time when i was searching a one room kitchen for rent. hated that time. but people live so happily i thought. the whole business of living in small abodes in busy city. small neglected existences involved in their own chores with such renewed enthusiasm over and over again, everyday.
the people out there
people dont always mean what they say. what they say often hurts us. if i look closer, it is just us, ourselves who is letting ourselves get hurt.
a benevolent, compassionate view of the world is difficult to come by. if i say that all the people of the world, my friends, my colleagues, teachers, parents, small children playing in the street, shopkeepers, waiters, etc. are actually very nice people. they are innocent. they do and say things on accounts of reasons beyond my knowledge. that i will never know. there is something out there which i dont know that i dont know. but i just gotta believe that the world out there is GOOD and innocent, but its not how it will physically appear always. so, what i am saying is -
1. world - (the people, essentially) is good.
2. it wont always APPEAR that way
3. why is it so? you' ll never know, so dont break your head over it.
4. believe in the goodness, and get your work done (the key to success and happiness)
you will continuously get the stimuli that will puzzle you. people shouting at you, challenging you, make you angry, tease you, beat the hell out of you, invite you to be nasty, compete with you and what not. you gotta succeed, and keep your self esteem in tact. but at the end of the day you have to keep the faith that they are all good. you have to be compassionate. stop trying to understand. you can never understand any person fully, ever!
but the happy, good, benevolent view of the world is inspiring. i had this experience when i was presenting a case on Walt Disney in the international business class. it was my first presentation of the second term. and before i started to walk towards the front of the class, i recited in my head many sentences something to this effect - "the audience are my friends. they are eager to listen to me. they want to know what i have got to say."
when we are in a negative spiral, we neglect the positive stimuli. i remember in my past i refused to see the good things in myself. i refused to see the opportunities i had. i just wasnt happy about what i had. i sulked about what i didnt have.
in a positive spiral, you identify the negative stimuli. you dont turn blind to them. you say "what i see is not the truth." smile and believe that the reason for this might be beyond my knowledge, but my faith in the goodness of the world and the people around me is ultimate and strong as a rock. he is saying or doing this because of something which is beyond my knowledge. but i will not get influenced in a negative way because of this.positive spiral is not reactive. it is not outside in, it is inside out. my actions are not a response to what others say or do but my beliefs and integrity in action.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
pleasant change
I am on my own. Finally.
Now I can open the window and once and for all let the sunlight come in, even if its limited in amount. The problem is that the window opens in front of another apartment, so there isn’t direct sunlight. But till now, in the last seven months my roomie, lets call him khatauli, must have let me open that window for number of times that can be counted on fingers. So, there was hardly any sunlight and no air circulation whatsoever. The arrangement in the room was terrible. I had to keep my table in front of my bed because there want enough space. There want enough space to move around.
But things just got a hell lot better! My roomie left for a single room, and the room for two is now all for me!! I immediately made the changes and now I cant stop admiring my room. It seems like there’s a new lease of life. I now have lots of space to keep my things, which have grown every term, I think. I even pasted inspirational quotes and photos. I pasted a photo of Richard Feynman, articulating in his classroom ("what do you care, what other people think?" he says) this man’s life and thoughts are sheer inspiration, even if you don’t much care about physics. the life of ER doctors i feel is inspirational. and the part in the movie "city of angels in the end, meg ryan rides bicycle on a serene road.
I did not sleep in the last 24 hours. This is serious. I don’t have much workload, and there isn’t much to read either (at least not now I am not reading) but why did I not sleep? I kept thinking a lot and reading random stuff. Its not like I did not feel sleepy, at around 2.30 I made up my mind not to sleep. At 4 ate bread with chesespread and drank coffee (that now keeps me alive and makes sure I leave for college at 8 30 in the morning.
Max martin is an amazing musician. Most of the backstreet boys, n-sync songs are composed by him, love those thumping techno music. In the night I was reminded of the days in my high school when I used to listen to those a lot. Its fun.
current music :"get another boyfriend" by Backstreet Boys - (attack of the cheesy cliche!!! i know but the music is awesome)
Now I can open the window and once and for all let the sunlight come in, even if its limited in amount. The problem is that the window opens in front of another apartment, so there isn’t direct sunlight. But till now, in the last seven months my roomie, lets call him khatauli, must have let me open that window for number of times that can be counted on fingers. So, there was hardly any sunlight and no air circulation whatsoever. The arrangement in the room was terrible. I had to keep my table in front of my bed because there want enough space. There want enough space to move around.
But things just got a hell lot better! My roomie left for a single room, and the room for two is now all for me!! I immediately made the changes and now I cant stop admiring my room. It seems like there’s a new lease of life. I now have lots of space to keep my things, which have grown every term, I think. I even pasted inspirational quotes and photos. I pasted a photo of Richard Feynman, articulating in his classroom ("what do you care, what other people think?" he says) this man’s life and thoughts are sheer inspiration, even if you don’t much care about physics. the life of ER doctors i feel is inspirational. and the part in the movie "city of angels in the end, meg ryan rides bicycle on a serene road.
I did not sleep in the last 24 hours. This is serious. I don’t have much workload, and there isn’t much to read either (at least not now I am not reading) but why did I not sleep? I kept thinking a lot and reading random stuff. Its not like I did not feel sleepy, at around 2.30 I made up my mind not to sleep. At 4 ate bread with chesespread and drank coffee (that now keeps me alive and makes sure I leave for college at 8 30 in the morning.
Max martin is an amazing musician. Most of the backstreet boys, n-sync songs are composed by him, love those thumping techno music. In the night I was reminded of the days in my high school when I used to listen to those a lot. Its fun.
current music :"get another boyfriend" by Backstreet Boys - (attack of the cheesy cliche!!! i know but the music is awesome)
Sunday, May 20, 2007
An update on my life...
Work expands.
Thats the worst thing about life, i can see that happening. The first week of the second term of my MBA is over. Two assignments to finish by 25th and I have much free time, i think I can say that. And I have been listening to too many songs and thinking about a sad story I heard a few days ago.
Do you believe in the lines you have on your hands? What if you knew the time you are gonna die?
I was very sad last week, even if it (the story) had not much to do with me. I felt such gloom spread over my days, and a real first in my life that I was feeling so sad for someone else.
Ok, lets not talk about it too much.
So I have made, what can be termed the third most important decision of my life, I am specializing in Information Systems.
What do I wanna do in my life? I will end up in academics, sure I can feel it in my guts right now. But first, gotta earn money. And though, not many thoughts stay in my mind so long, this one says that it would be really great if i could retire at the age of 40.
Thats the worst thing about life, i can see that happening. The first week of the second term of my MBA is over. Two assignments to finish by 25th and I have much free time, i think I can say that. And I have been listening to too many songs and thinking about a sad story I heard a few days ago.
Do you believe in the lines you have on your hands? What if you knew the time you are gonna die?
I was very sad last week, even if it (the story) had not much to do with me. I felt such gloom spread over my days, and a real first in my life that I was feeling so sad for someone else.
Ok, lets not talk about it too much.
So I have made, what can be termed the third most important decision of my life, I am specializing in Information Systems.
What do I wanna do in my life? I will end up in academics, sure I can feel it in my guts right now. But first, gotta earn money. And though, not many thoughts stay in my mind so long, this one says that it would be really great if i could retire at the age of 40.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
How can lance armstrong and kik be separated?? aagh! ..they divorced way back in 2003 and i am coming to know about it now, in 2007 after reading the inspiring book. i feel wierd, wish things were perfect in life...a littel bit more, please! Tomorrow i am going to speak for four mintes about the inspiring life of lance armstrong.
i love the personality development classes. awesome. i gotta speak, i must express otherwise i will suffocate and die. again, why do i give so much importance to what people think.
its very important that i speak.
but i give too much importance to how will people react.
i need their response.
what do you think??
why do they matter so much??
i hope the personality development workshops help me fix this,.....fucker sidey is smoking....ugh!
mba is so much more if you decide to transform yourself for the better
if you want to stay the way you are, you wont be able to perform that much better
imagine what you could have achieved if you changed the way the context of mba was initially set.
onus is on me.
soobs and crusher think i am a psycho.so does uns.
severe emotional problems.
but they also admit that they like my company.
something is happening all over again with me, but i am prepared to handle it. i am seeing the patterns , they are directly related to who i am. nikhilesh vishwas deshpande.a name i did not choose. a body i did not choose. parents, country,pilani,nagpur i didnt choose.
(bulleh ki jana main kaun??)
who am i?
a question which has haunted many, but to only those who asked that question in the first place.
those who cared to think that way.
those who stop and look at the path ahead, to the path which they have travelled,those who thought that asking questions is right.
think. THINK. this word isnt what you think it is. i dont know how deep this word goes.
i have to tell tomorrow positive and negative triggers i ever felt in my life.
i dont remember positive ones so vividly.....................
what if a seventeen year old six feet tall, lanky boy that was me, could not walk?
my feet were at right angles at the knees when i tried to stand up after the dinner on the floor. my feet wont straighten up. helplessness. panic. hopelessness and feeling miserable about life.
it happened again last year; you are doing internship at GRASIM as you limp you way to the office.
(but at the hospital you meet a little angel named ananya. )
at the age of 13, after getting an EEG(electroencephalogram) done on you, you come fuzzy out of a dinghy and darkly lit lab out into a room full of patients.half of them start laughing at you. an elderly woman with thick lips is laughing at you , so is her son sitting in her lap,eating donut. until you start crying and your mother grabs you.all that is because your hair are tied into a number of ponytails using rubberbands and sticky white claylike glue. they think you look like a joker.
but the eeg is because you survived a stroke and kidney failure when you were 7.
ironically at 7 that was hardly a negative trigger. the seven year old dude calmly survived the stroke and didnt mind his body swollen twice his size, and the iv drips and other pipes running down places. didnt mind living on bread and jam and halwa and ......blur.
sunshine, crows and stretcher. shadows of nurses and smells of the hospital.
that was hardly much pain. pain was what followed, and has been following since.
the seven year old now seems like a sage who observed his parents who were in pain. who saved his life. i lost that seven year old.
i love the personality development classes. awesome. i gotta speak, i must express otherwise i will suffocate and die. again, why do i give so much importance to what people think.
its very important that i speak.
but i give too much importance to how will people react.
i need their response.
what do you think??
why do they matter so much??
i hope the personality development workshops help me fix this,.....fucker sidey is smoking....ugh!
mba is so much more if you decide to transform yourself for the better
if you want to stay the way you are, you wont be able to perform that much better
imagine what you could have achieved if you changed the way the context of mba was initially set.
onus is on me.
soobs and crusher think i am a psycho.so does uns.
severe emotional problems.
but they also admit that they like my company.
something is happening all over again with me, but i am prepared to handle it. i am seeing the patterns , they are directly related to who i am. nikhilesh vishwas deshpande.a name i did not choose. a body i did not choose. parents, country,pilani,nagpur i didnt choose.
(bulleh ki jana main kaun??)
who am i?
a question which has haunted many, but to only those who asked that question in the first place.
those who cared to think that way.
those who stop and look at the path ahead, to the path which they have travelled,those who thought that asking questions is right.
think. THINK. this word isnt what you think it is. i dont know how deep this word goes.
i have to tell tomorrow positive and negative triggers i ever felt in my life.
i dont remember positive ones so vividly.....................
what if a seventeen year old six feet tall, lanky boy that was me, could not walk?
my feet were at right angles at the knees when i tried to stand up after the dinner on the floor. my feet wont straighten up. helplessness. panic. hopelessness and feeling miserable about life.
it happened again last year; you are doing internship at GRASIM as you limp you way to the office.
(but at the hospital you meet a little angel named ananya. )
at the age of 13, after getting an EEG(electroencephalogram) done on you, you come fuzzy out of a dinghy and darkly lit lab out into a room full of patients.half of them start laughing at you. an elderly woman with thick lips is laughing at you , so is her son sitting in her lap,eating donut. until you start crying and your mother grabs you.all that is because your hair are tied into a number of ponytails using rubberbands and sticky white claylike glue. they think you look like a joker.
but the eeg is because you survived a stroke and kidney failure when you were 7.
ironically at 7 that was hardly a negative trigger. the seven year old dude calmly survived the stroke and didnt mind his body swollen twice his size, and the iv drips and other pipes running down places. didnt mind living on bread and jam and halwa and ......blur.
sunshine, crows and stretcher. shadows of nurses and smells of the hospital.
that was hardly much pain. pain was what followed, and has been following since.
the seven year old now seems like a sage who observed his parents who were in pain. who saved his life. i lost that seven year old.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
new
I am so full of mixed emotions,i dont know what to reveal.
But like many times before, yet again i am intimidated,but more confident and hopeful than ever. Its a time for me to hang on,work hard sincerely one big year of my life HERE
One of the most enlightening days of my life were among past few days, gosh, I sound cheesy maybe, i dont know, but yesterday i was amazed,yesterday's last lecture by Dr. Amir Ullah Khan was an eye opener.
"One of the basic instincts of man is to kill, go to war. This instinct has sublimated over the years, and so we play sports"
I dont know how many would believe it at first,sounds crazy but the way he brought it out was amazing. This guy sure is a smooth talker. The places he has been to are amazing.
His way of explaining the evolution of man's social life from the beginning of time till now was amazing. The explanation for origin and evolution of "family" particularly in context of economics was intriguing and insightful.
The first day he showed us a small film he had made, actually a collage of clips to demonstrate impact of films on government policies and the society and the dynamics. (Naya daur, do beegha zameen - - awara, johnny mera naam - zanjeer, deewaar.....many more till we reach to the nonsense of our era)
Next thing we knew he was rattling off figures of india's economic and corporate situation with ease. He also happens to teach us organisation behaviour and leadership (apart from managerial economics) and we had to prepare organisation chart for a franchise, which turned out well but the whole organisation structure which he had asked us to prepare yesterday for a college turned out to be a huge huge disaster. The reason being that I was in a team of four, we spent the hour telling each other how the OC shouldnt be. The structure of the college's organisation is of course far more complex than a franchisee, and I hadnt read anything on organisation charts after i had made that OC for the franchisee without him having taught aything at all. In case of franchise it was a team of three of us, we sailed along smoothly, also because going to pizza hut and dominoes helped.
We are all fans of Dr. amir khan, no doubt about that. He doesnt always reveal anything extrodinairy about economics always, but just the simple way in which he explains all dull concepts and terms such as GDP, GNP, FDI,FII, that was awesome.
It is essential that I revise and read before I reach Aamir khan's class. I have rarely done anything like that ever but i dont think there's a way i could survive going the way i went on for the past week. For organisation behavior,in many cases he wont explain much, he would straightaway push us to the deep end of the swimming pool.
Now thats where I am right now, the deep end of shit. 500 word essay on Durkheim and two other assignments; scarier one being haldiram bhujiawala's for marketing.
Its still chaotic in my head. cause its chaotic around me.Shit.
PS From here onwards I shall try to steer this blog towards the MBA life of mine, provided i get time to blog and dreamy and hyper tedencies dont grab me when i sit down to write.
PPS Now Nike has reached Bangalore, but he wont be able to roam around much in this hyped city because he goes to school at 8 30 in the morning and its 7 30 in the night when he's back.
Current Music : Two beds and a coffee machine - Savage Garden
But like many times before, yet again i am intimidated,but more confident and hopeful than ever. Its a time for me to hang on,work hard sincerely one big year of my life HERE
One of the most enlightening days of my life were among past few days, gosh, I sound cheesy maybe, i dont know, but yesterday i was amazed,yesterday's last lecture by Dr. Amir Ullah Khan was an eye opener.
"One of the basic instincts of man is to kill, go to war. This instinct has sublimated over the years, and so we play sports"
I dont know how many would believe it at first,sounds crazy but the way he brought it out was amazing. This guy sure is a smooth talker. The places he has been to are amazing.
His way of explaining the evolution of man's social life from the beginning of time till now was amazing. The explanation for origin and evolution of "family" particularly in context of economics was intriguing and insightful.
The first day he showed us a small film he had made, actually a collage of clips to demonstrate impact of films on government policies and the society and the dynamics. (Naya daur, do beegha zameen - - awara, johnny mera naam - zanjeer, deewaar.....many more till we reach to the nonsense of our era)
Next thing we knew he was rattling off figures of india's economic and corporate situation with ease. He also happens to teach us organisation behaviour and leadership (apart from managerial economics) and we had to prepare organisation chart for a franchise, which turned out well but the whole organisation structure which he had asked us to prepare yesterday for a college turned out to be a huge huge disaster. The reason being that I was in a team of four, we spent the hour telling each other how the OC shouldnt be. The structure of the college's organisation is of course far more complex than a franchisee, and I hadnt read anything on organisation charts after i had made that OC for the franchisee without him having taught aything at all. In case of franchise it was a team of three of us, we sailed along smoothly, also because going to pizza hut and dominoes helped.
We are all fans of Dr. amir khan, no doubt about that. He doesnt always reveal anything extrodinairy about economics always, but just the simple way in which he explains all dull concepts and terms such as GDP, GNP, FDI,FII, that was awesome.
It is essential that I revise and read before I reach Aamir khan's class. I have rarely done anything like that ever but i dont think there's a way i could survive going the way i went on for the past week. For organisation behavior,in many cases he wont explain much, he would straightaway push us to the deep end of the swimming pool.
Now thats where I am right now, the deep end of shit. 500 word essay on Durkheim and two other assignments; scarier one being haldiram bhujiawala's for marketing.
Its still chaotic in my head. cause its chaotic around me.Shit.
PS From here onwards I shall try to steer this blog towards the MBA life of mine, provided i get time to blog and dreamy and hyper tedencies dont grab me when i sit down to write.
PPS Now Nike has reached Bangalore, but he wont be able to roam around much in this hyped city because he goes to school at 8 30 in the morning and its 7 30 in the night when he's back.
Current Music : Two beds and a coffee machine - Savage Garden
Thursday, December 28, 2006
The Joy(?) of Giving...
It happened on the day of Christmas.
You see, my vehicle is a dirty little thing. I call it a rickety wuss. It is not a motorcycle. It is a pity. That thing is a very sad sight with me, a six feet tall guy on the road. Ah, well I was parking it on the side of a relatively quiet road in Pune,believe me it was a peaceful road,such a rarity in Pune. At this point I must tell you that since four years my vehicle (ok ok! its a Hero Puch! ..a deranged species of two wheeler no more manufactured in this world!) does not have a handle lock. I carry at its backside an iron chain with a lock to put it around its tyre (pathetic, I know). So generally on such peaceful roads I let go of putting the chain around the tyre. I got down from the vehicle,put it between two handsome,robust,macho motorcycles.As I was just about to put it on the stand, a man started to say something to me from behind.
"What?" I said, my baby still in my hands.
"Oh,sorry,please put it on the stand first.........." He said in marathi.
"Oh boy...there we go again."
Bewildered, I put it on the central stand.I had not locked the iron chain around the tyre. I turned to him.
"Sir, I have to get to "Sangavi" ....I dont have any money .....when bad time dawns upon a man it leaves him stranded like this without money ...without food ...my thekedaar was supposed to come but didnt ....."
It turned out exactly what I had feared. I dont remember much of what he said. What's above is a vague idea that I am giving to you. I got it that he was begging me to give him five rupees. He was about 35, looked a respectable man, sort of. Clothes were okay, clean. He had in his hands a polythene bag which had a plastic tiffin box in it which told me that he would have set out from his home with the food. But his face did not look fine as many of his teeth were broken. As he talked, his tongue moved one of the two teeth on the side. Obviously he consumed tobacco or some such rubbish which ruins your teeth. So he did not much take care of himself.His hair were dishevelled. I was suspicious. But surprisingly he spoke a few things in the middle of his sentences in english.
"Please Sir,... help me..i have to go to sangavi..please give me five rupees..."
"What will five rupees do?"
I knew that Sangavi was a colony on the outers of Pune. He would need more than five rupees to reach sangavi,why was he asking me for five rupees?
"Yes sir, bus ticket to sangavi is twelve rupees....i will mange somehow..."
It was sad to see him plead. My wallet had many coins, a few notes. I gave him a two rupee coin and three one rupee coins. It looks even more ridiculous to give someone money in coins like that. I was still suspicious. I was like, " Okay i will give you the money, but i dont believe you, i still think you are lying.Go! do whateve you want with the money!" The moment the coins landed in his palm he started saying good things for me. "May you be successful in your life....all that you may wish..." ......and all that. .....
I cut him out!
"How are you going to sangavi now?"
"..I'll walk to Chatushringi bus stand..."
I sharply turned away,half listening to his reply, and walked away very fast.
I had this irrational fear that this guy was a thug and he would steal my two wheeler! This fear struck me while i was walking on the road and took a turn. There I looked back to see if he was following me. I did not see him anywere. When I returned I was relieved to see that awful little wuss of a vehicle.
Maybe after I gave him the money he might have started crying and was walking very slowly. How was he going to get the rest of the money? He would have probably begged to someone else, by the time he reached the bus stand. At that I was just anxious to get over and be done with him as soon as possible as I was suspicious. What if he was lying? What if he bought a bottle with that money and lied in a heap of garbage? No one can know. But there are things for which you dont have evidences. I just have a gut feeling now,after two days that he was a good man.Now I feel good that i helped somebody in need, only because i was not harmed.
Last time,on J.M. Road, there came to me a stranded woman with a child in her arms who had to go to some village. I had given her 20 bucks. I know you must be thinking I am a fool. But how the hell do they all find to me?? Gosh, maybe i could have given him 12 bucks.
I did not give with any feeling. And I did not accept his feelings of gratitude and blessings.
You see, my vehicle is a dirty little thing. I call it a rickety wuss. It is not a motorcycle. It is a pity. That thing is a very sad sight with me, a six feet tall guy on the road. Ah, well I was parking it on the side of a relatively quiet road in Pune,believe me it was a peaceful road,such a rarity in Pune. At this point I must tell you that since four years my vehicle (ok ok! its a Hero Puch! ..a deranged species of two wheeler no more manufactured in this world!) does not have a handle lock. I carry at its backside an iron chain with a lock to put it around its tyre (pathetic, I know). So generally on such peaceful roads I let go of putting the chain around the tyre. I got down from the vehicle,put it between two handsome,robust,macho motorcycles.As I was just about to put it on the stand, a man started to say something to me from behind.
"What?" I said, my baby still in my hands.
"Oh,sorry,please put it on the stand first.........." He said in marathi.
"Oh boy...there we go again."
Bewildered, I put it on the central stand.I had not locked the iron chain around the tyre. I turned to him.
"Sir, I have to get to "Sangavi" ....I dont have any money .....when bad time dawns upon a man it leaves him stranded like this without money ...without food ...my thekedaar was supposed to come but didnt ....."
It turned out exactly what I had feared. I dont remember much of what he said. What's above is a vague idea that I am giving to you. I got it that he was begging me to give him five rupees. He was about 35, looked a respectable man, sort of. Clothes were okay, clean. He had in his hands a polythene bag which had a plastic tiffin box in it which told me that he would have set out from his home with the food. But his face did not look fine as many of his teeth were broken. As he talked, his tongue moved one of the two teeth on the side. Obviously he consumed tobacco or some such rubbish which ruins your teeth. So he did not much take care of himself.His hair were dishevelled. I was suspicious. But surprisingly he spoke a few things in the middle of his sentences in english.
"Please Sir,... help me..i have to go to sangavi..please give me five rupees..."
"What will five rupees do?"
I knew that Sangavi was a colony on the outers of Pune. He would need more than five rupees to reach sangavi,why was he asking me for five rupees?
"Yes sir, bus ticket to sangavi is twelve rupees....i will mange somehow..."
It was sad to see him plead. My wallet had many coins, a few notes. I gave him a two rupee coin and three one rupee coins. It looks even more ridiculous to give someone money in coins like that. I was still suspicious. I was like, " Okay i will give you the money, but i dont believe you, i still think you are lying.Go! do whateve you want with the money!" The moment the coins landed in his palm he started saying good things for me. "May you be successful in your life....all that you may wish..." ......and all that. .....
I cut him out!
"How are you going to sangavi now?"
"..I'll walk to Chatushringi bus stand..."
I sharply turned away,half listening to his reply, and walked away very fast.
I had this irrational fear that this guy was a thug and he would steal my two wheeler! This fear struck me while i was walking on the road and took a turn. There I looked back to see if he was following me. I did not see him anywere. When I returned I was relieved to see that awful little wuss of a vehicle.
Maybe after I gave him the money he might have started crying and was walking very slowly. How was he going to get the rest of the money? He would have probably begged to someone else, by the time he reached the bus stand. At that I was just anxious to get over and be done with him as soon as possible as I was suspicious. What if he was lying? What if he bought a bottle with that money and lied in a heap of garbage? No one can know. But there are things for which you dont have evidences. I just have a gut feeling now,after two days that he was a good man.Now I feel good that i helped somebody in need, only because i was not harmed.
Last time,on J.M. Road, there came to me a stranded woman with a child in her arms who had to go to some village. I had given her 20 bucks. I know you must be thinking I am a fool. But how the hell do they all find to me?? Gosh, maybe i could have given him 12 bucks.
I did not give with any feeling. And I did not accept his feelings of gratitude and blessings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)