i have international business exam tomorrow. and i need a vent to the chaos in my mind. the exams are such a time when blogging gets a chance, dont know why, happened before also, its 15th august and i have a holiday to prepare for tomorrow. this post is going to be a ramble, total vent to my feelings over past one month, rather the whole godforsaken month. god, my roomie is studying like hell and here i am unable to focus.
so, i had problems..........with blogger too - apart from the real life problems - i wrote a huge post last time i was feeling like blogging - i wrote it nicely with stuff about mrs h and mon and the goings on of this term. but there was something seriously wrong with blogger, all my post went down the drain even after i pushed the publish button. not the net connection problem or anything - it just didnt publish. i got even more disappointed as my last resort of expressing myself also got ruined. i guess that was a bad patch. it seems to be getting better. i suggest that readers of this post, if there are any, take all this stuff with a pinch of salt.
lately i have been having all mixed feelings. mostly depressed, low enthusiasm, rut. well, i need some pill.
mrs h has been the most important person i have met in this mba program. i tell her almost everything and learning for me has been tremendous. i mean my point of view might now have changed totally but my vision got clearer. started seeing things a lot better after quite a few jolts, shocks. i learnt that solutions to almost more than half the problems of my life lie in telling the truth. its not as simple as it sounds. i learnt that too. telling the truth needs courage and introspection. go deeper. deeper still. and tell the truth to yourself. accept it. dont make assumptions. i did make a lot previously.
i have a pain in my neck and ear. i need exercise, and i am not so disciplined to be doing it. i have my landmark forum on 14th of september. i got it changed from august because i had evaluations. i need an overhauling for my life. need to tighten the screws.
i need to tell people things. my pattern has been very random. either i disclose to my friends a lot in a haphazard way, more personal details or i just dont speak at all. either i get too confident - overconfident or i give up totally. and its this thing about "all or nothing" which has been the reason for my failures. its all or none. i make elaborate plans - huge ambitious and apparently intelligent. but i falter again in the execution.
i am going home this sunday. i am just dying to get home. just for few days. the biggest term of my life, my specialization term starts from 31st.