Thursday, March 22, 2007

How can lance armstrong and kik be separated?? aagh! ..they divorced way back in 2003 and i am coming to know about it now, in 2007 after reading the inspiring book. i feel wierd, wish things were perfect in life...a littel bit more, please! Tomorrow i am going to speak for four mintes about the inspiring life of lance armstrong.
i love the personality development classes. awesome. i gotta speak, i must express otherwise i will suffocate and die. again, why do i give so much importance to what people think.
its very important that i speak.
but i give too much importance to how will people react.
i need their response.
what do you think??
why do they matter so much??
i hope the personality development workshops help me fix this,.....fucker sidey is smoking....ugh!
mba is so much more if you decide to transform yourself for the better
if you want to stay the way you are, you wont be able to perform that much better
imagine what you could have achieved if you changed the way the context of mba was initially set.
onus is on me.
soobs and crusher think i am a psycho.so does uns.
severe emotional problems.
but they also admit that they like my company.
something is happening all over again with me, but i am prepared to handle it. i am seeing the patterns , they are directly related to who i am. nikhilesh vishwas deshpande.a name i did not choose. a body i did not choose. parents, country,pilani,nagpur i didnt choose.
(bulleh ki jana main kaun??)
who am i?
a question which has haunted many, but to only those who asked that question in the first place.
those who cared to think that way.
those who stop and look at the path ahead, to the path which they have travelled,those who thought that asking questions is right.
think. THINK. this word isnt what you think it is. i dont know how deep this word goes.

i have to tell tomorrow positive and negative triggers i ever felt in my life.

i dont remember positive ones so vividly.....................

what if a seventeen year old six feet tall, lanky boy that was me, could not walk?
my feet were at right angles at the knees when i tried to stand up after the dinner on the floor. my feet wont straighten up. helplessness. panic. hopelessness and feeling miserable about life.
it happened again last year; you are doing internship at GRASIM as you limp you way to the office.
(but at the hospital you meet a little angel named ananya. )
at the age of 13, after getting an EEG(electroencephalogram) done on you, you come fuzzy out of a dinghy and darkly lit lab out into a room full of patients.half of them start laughing at you. an elderly woman with thick lips is laughing at you , so is her son sitting in her lap,eating donut. until you start crying and your mother grabs you.all that is because your hair are tied into a number of ponytails using rubberbands and sticky white claylike glue. they think you look like a joker.
but the eeg is because you survived a stroke and kidney failure when you were 7.
ironically at 7 that was hardly a negative trigger. the seven year old dude calmly survived the stroke and didnt mind his body swollen twice his size, and the iv drips and other pipes running down places. didnt mind living on bread and jam and halwa and ......blur.
sunshine, crows and stretcher. shadows of nurses and smells of the hospital.
that was hardly much pain. pain was what followed, and has been following since.
the seven year old now seems like a sage who observed his parents who were in pain. who saved his life. i lost that seven year old.

4 comments:

Amit Gawande said...

Hey nikhilesh...

Nice blog buddy... Will link you on mine... by the way my blog's url's changed... so modify that in ur list :D ...

aur sunao... cudn't meet u this weekend man... milte sometime later...

Arpit Kumar Gupta said...

hi dear...you write beautifully dude...

Nearly-Headless Nike said...

thanx arpit! :)
hope to see you blog.

....and amit i replied to you on your blog, gr8 going yaar, and also i updated your link.

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