of death and noodle salad

i have never seen anyone die. i did lose my grandfather in 2000. i realized how much i loved him and respected him long after we lost him. in small things his memory crops up.
in 2000 he had gone to dubai and didnt return. and back then i dont remember how i was. maybe i was arrogant. i didnt love people as passionately as i do now. and i have never experienced loss. when we lost him i didnt feel any stabbing pain or loss. i am 25 years old and i feel time is volatile. the most mysterious thing. things get closer and move farther away in a swift way, like they are dancing and its meaningless.
if i were to see a dead person i knew what would i feel? i have read about people who died of no reason. millions die for no reason. millions for a higher cause, a divine cause. but what will i feel if i were to see a dead person? all the life behind is gone. love sorrow grief thrills money sins.

"Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good."

We have stories of the past. boats, trees, cool breeze, sunshine and noodle salads. dark corners of our loved homes. faces of loved ones as they change, wrinkles and lumpy skin and flesh and hair ignored. surfaces, tears and edges of living things. colours shine and weights of objects. gravels and specks of dust. green grass on heavy rains. i remember. some judge them to never consider them. i have grown to love all of them. and on a dead man's face their life would all be lost.