examz over

and the worst one was finance. but nothing about that. i am going home tomorrow afternoon - yeshwantpur - vasco da gama express. relief!! thank you god for this feeling of relief.
and i will not be online or reply to mails and scraps and write blog posts, though their frequency has dwindled anyway. but i am gonna eat read and sleep at home. read and finish good books i left incomplete and plan for the next term. the killer term. god, i want this one to be perfect. no excuses. its now or never. in a way its good that i am going home before the term starts on 31st, i will come back refreshed and recharged. clear away all the webs of doubts and the shit that accumulated over years. thanx to mrs h i had an evaluation of the shit in the past two terms. things became clearer. now its time to act. and plan for the improved plan of action. seriously, each of her class had been very stimulating. i used to look forward to each one with specific expectation with certain enthusiasm. i have had revelations. her classes is one thing and the other most important thing that happened to me was the dance performance. felt great about my stamina, given my assignments, rehearsing for the dance, i think i did a pretty good job :) i couldnt post all the photos of the dance last time because of some problem with the blogger, as i had mentioned in the last post. i am posting them now. this term my people skills improved many times. i had good conversations with many people - subbu, jhango, sarkar, jhingon, suri, cheevi (my groupie in most of the assignments who dealt with my irrational moodswings very well - thanx a lot! :)) i am now feeling satisfied, as i feel i have become much better at dealing with people, but still there's hell long way to go. this sem i had bitter experiences with people too. i learnt about attention seeking behaviour, self pity, emotional superficiality........its kinda sad and we cant do anything about it. (yes, i said we) and we wasted a lot of time talking about something which is apparently incurable! much to our frustration. and we never saw it coming. it was sad because it hurt and what seemed like good friendship took a new dimension. but we learnt and took a lesson about how to deal with such behaviours, its not completely their fault, but we need to be careful.
the hostel is deserted. i need to pack all the stuff. and i am so damn tired. more coffee, one last time. really really looking forward to an out of this world term, the next one. i really have no words about what to expect out of myself for the next term. i plan to work harder than ever before. its gonna be a great term - finally things are gonna fall in place. i need to start reading when i am at home. i need to recharge and also cultivate the right frame of mind before the term gets started. i have made a list of books i need to skim through in my vacations and a set of goals to be achieved in these 9 days. so next stop - home!
tata!

i have international business exam tomorrow. and i need a vent to the chaos in my mind. the exams are such a time when blogging gets a chance, dont know why, happened before also, its 15th august and i have a holiday to prepare for tomorrow. this post is going to be a ramble, total vent to my feelings over past one month, rather the whole godforsaken month. god, my roomie is studying like hell and here i am unable to focus.
so, i had problems..........with blogger too - apart from the real life problems - i wrote a huge post last time i was feeling like blogging - i wrote it nicely with stuff about mrs h and mon and the goings on of this term. but there was something seriously wrong with blogger, all my post went down the drain even after i pushed the publish button. not the net connection problem or anything - it just didnt publish. i got even more disappointed as my last resort of expressing myself also got ruined. i guess that was a bad patch. it seems to be getting better. i suggest that readers of this post, if there are any, take all this stuff with a pinch of salt.
lately i have been having all mixed feelings. mostly depressed, low enthusiasm, rut. well, i need some pill.
mrs h has been the most important person i have met in this mba program. i tell her almost everything and learning for me has been tremendous. i mean my point of view might now have changed totally but my vision got clearer. started seeing things a lot better after quite a few jolts, shocks. i learnt that solutions to almost more than half the problems of my life lie in telling the truth. its not as simple as it sounds. i learnt that too. telling the truth needs courage and introspection. go deeper. deeper still. and tell the truth to yourself. accept it. dont make assumptions. i did make a lot previously.
i have a pain in my neck and ear. i need exercise, and i am not so disciplined to be doing it. i have my landmark forum on 14th of september. i got it changed from august because i had evaluations. i need an overhauling for my life. need to tighten the screws.
i need to tell people things. my pattern has been very random. either i disclose to my friends a lot in a haphazard way, more personal details or i just dont speak at all. either i get too confident - overconfident or i give up totally. and its this thing about "all or nothing" which has been the reason for my failures. its all or none. i make elaborate plans - huge ambitious and apparently intelligent. but i falter again in the execution.
i am going home this sunday. i am just dying to get home. just for few days. the biggest term of my life, my specialization term starts from 31st.