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< with Jam at 121 Budh Bhavan,last sem >
I started blogging to speak my mind.There had been considerable amount of time that I hadnt done that. i hadnt been speaking what i felt.Is it me being a gemini,that i feel such restlessness out of nothing(why do i rationalize?).feels like i live in a paradox.running in circles and fooling myself.contradicting myself at large number of occasions.this restlessness fills up in my chest like a thick cloud,i cannot breathe and a shiver spreads in my arms.
Whatever i do i do it with expectation of getting something back in return.i am selfish,contemplating about a million things about myself,searching......
flowing in the wind like a feather but denying something obvious.i dont sit at a place.i just relate to characters,to their emotions with some anticipation,feel happy for some stupid reasons momentarily,something somewhere feeds my ego....
i am just thrown from one moment to another.from one stimulant to another.
is there something which consumes me completely?......something white,sublime weightless,clear....eternal, gives a new birth to all my senses.something which leaves no doubt in my mind.like wind blowing away my hair through the window of a rusty car,roaming aimlessly through deserted streets,looking at the grey and brown buildings of people and equally absorbed in the inner turmoil.
but true friends just let you be.you smile and they smile back and i think that is all that satisfies anticipation.you can always see that in the eyes.it gets pretty close to what one needs,its something none of us feel tangibly,can neither rationalize and argue.just the mere existence of someone who understands is overwhelming.